Surrender-Cheap Trick

ATC44
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

K Here-
I have surrendered to All love that is within my desperate reach. I am Blog-tied.

On one hand, I must not be approachable, in a touching gape of an eternal abyss, I need touch and can not locate it anywhere. Like my "3 Meaningful Conversations per Day" rule, I found myself extending 5 meaningful brushes of touch, only to receive nothing in return. I understand why, down deep inside, but still am at a loss.

On the other hand, (you have different fingers) but really, what I thought was turning into a meaningful conversation over dinner and a possible compromise crossing into bridge builder of a marriage, turned into a full blown argument of despondance. Once again my voice is not heard and Once again, my evening takes me to my laptop.

Lyrics can not interpret my voice at this point. A day that seemed to be on an upslide, turned dismall. With all the things I'm losing, I might as well resign myself to try to make a change. The only thing is here, is that I am running low on options.

Hmmmm...not needed, wanted, cared for.
Might as well Surrender to performing Cheap Tricks!

I'm gonna try someting new here..stop searching. Stop looking out of my car window for opportunities. Limit the quest for a person to touch my body and soul. Look into the inside versus the outside. Who needs a guy's touch?

See this old pic? That's how I feel, grasping myself in deep inner thought. Don't ya think someone wants to hold her? Or does she seem too needy?

No more book talk with the library Dude. No more hallway banter with staff that can't see me for me. No more chatting with my produce guy or gas station attendant. No more resurfacing old dreams, old boyfriends, old fantasies.

SURRENDER
to self
Crap...there are loads of females out there in this life like this right? I just never thought it would be ME. Never was before. But now it sinks in...and she sinks inside.