Analyze This One Please

Yam Walking
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

Here it Goes-
I wake up from a dream at exactly 2:22 a.m.
(The very Same room number I had last year at the High School), and I am totally
CREEPED OUT- in a chilled sweat
This Dream that takes me to this place begins where.....

I am sleeping in my childhood room
Little French WIndow panes-very definate and descript surroundings
H is lying next to me-we are distant in the bed, but he is there, I can hear him breath.
I awake from my sleep for some reason of panic and get up to look for 17. I walk through this house-exacatly the same since I myself was 17. As I venture out into the backyard I can not shake the fact that it is very dark. My eyes are fuzzy and at first I can not see at all.

I yell 17's name (I do believe I actually yell it aloud in my sleep as well). The yard becomes clearer...but still dark. I see teenagers dotted all over it... grouped up- at least 20 of them. I continue to call out 17's name- but no one answers so I descend the stairs and start questioning the others...
"Who are you? What is your name? Where is 17?"

I recognize some but not many more and they provide me with limited information, all smiling and acting discrete...it is soooo very dark.
One boy wears a baseball cap turned backwards- longer hair. For some strange reason...he is striking and smiles. My childhood yard is as tiny as ever- yet there are 20 or 30 teens here.

I spy 17 and walk towards him but it is not him- I yell out for him to show his face or I will have to wake his FATHER.
Frantically I rap on the outside of the french Window for H to awake, to come help me.
I rap and rap, calling him until the window breaks into slivers. Out of sheer madness I scream for the teens to disperse. They run in all directions. I storm into the house, knuckles bloody from the broken glass of the window, crying for H and 17 in the exact same breath. I spy 17 in his room ( my parents old room)- laughing- cryptically- poking his head through a crack in the open doorway...laughing at me

H continues to sleep soundly

....................

My eyes open- turn my head towards the bedroom door
I sit up in my own bed- I am awake from my dream- H still sleeps. The bedroom door opens a slight crack. There stands 17 looking in- the door opens and shuts- several times. I try to focus my eyes- but am frightened. I lay still and motionless.
It is not him....never was...Just a blur- an extension of the dream in my own space and time- but I get up and come downstairs to write this all down- so I do not forget it. It is 2:48 a.m.- must get back to sleep if I can.

I do know what this dream means-
He will never awaken-
It will always be me chasing things.

Before i go upstairs I look out into my own backyard...
Wondering...
Could I run and scatter like the teens of my dream
As if I were a teen myself...running away from it all

Back upstairs in my own room
I try to think hard...to recall
If that French Window pane from my dream
was the ONE that I cracked in an angry Rage
with my own Hand
Back
When I was 17