And She Was-Talking Heads

girl in the fog
Originally uploaded by killbyte.

One never knows
how certain sets of curcumstances
will shape their lives

As my children are close
to becoming adults
I am apt to look back
at my own life as a child

The memories are painful yet
still these events
play over and over
inside my head

I believe that my mother
did her best with what she had
and like so many other adult children
I have vowed to change my own life
in her memory

Yet with my loss
I am visited by thoughts
that force me to return
to my past...and weep

I am not sure
which of her diseases
became more devastating
to cope with

Both injured her memory skills and abilities
to view life
as a positive journey
or view life
in any way at all

I could promise
to not engage in a social coctail
but I don't

and I can't
promise myself
to hold on to each memory

But I do
Promise
to have my voice heard
because
I know
that I am not
the only one

To go through this experience...
AM I?

-The First In a Series of Diary Experiences Titled:

LOOKING BACK AT MOTHER
-A Retrospect of Alcohol, Alzheimers,
& a Grown Woman's Childhood


FAMILY VACATIONS

I am
an only child riding
in the back seat of a teal Rambler
inhaling second hand smoke
and listening to
the pages of a rustling map
with wrong directions
being screamed out at every
turn