Career Opportunities-The Clash

Stop!
Originally uploaded by daveadams.

Conundrum Here....

My OLD job has my OLD position open...
I have an existing contract where I am at that is due to expire this June, yet I know that I will be hired back on...just a paper work flaw. I have only been at this new school for 7 months, and it's not like I left my old position because I did not like it. I LOVED it. But the numbers were dwindling and it looked every year as if the state was not going to fund the type of treatment centers that I service. Judges got tough on teenage criminals and decided not to spend tax payers money on treatment...just jail.

Yes...A TREATMENT CENTER...
I believe that I myself found my own respite there!!!!

The girls ( all Girls) were unbelievably wonderful. Despite all of their messed up downfalls...I LOVed them and they LOVEd me. Who did they run to when tears went flying...me...not their therapist. Who did they go to when they skipped their other classes...me...not their homeroom teacher. Who did they confide in, hug, devulge deep secrets to in times of need...me...not their unit supervisors. (They lived on grounds...coming downstairs for school)

I left because I was afraid that the place was gonna close...and it didn't. (for now) And I moved on to a "Regular" school. Not as if anything is REGULAR here where I am at now. My caseload still has interesting developments. But it is still a "caseload"...it is ALTERNATIVE EDUCATION.

I visited my "old school" today after work. I popped in to drop off a CD for a friend of mine who still teaches there. We are going to the LIFEHOUSE concert together and she needed to memorize the words!!!! They were all in their afterschool "treatment meeting", which ends up talking about who blew up, who ran away, who took drugs, and basically who slit their wrists over the weekend. (Mental Note: SHIT...I miss that.)

I used the Master Key that the receptionist slipped me...walked the CD down the carpeted hallway, entered her room and drew back a tear. Wrote a quick note and left the CD. Then, just out of curiosity, I slithered down the hallway...turned the key into my old room, and took a peek. It did not even look like my old room...which caused more wierd tears. Everything was rearranged. The worst part was...there were oh so many BAD parts...but the worst part was...that my hand painted waves that covered the top of one wall...Screaming..."I am Not Afraid OF Storms...For I Am Learning To Steer my Own Ship" were gone. The BITCH...she took down the entire motivation of the room.

And then I realized that I had lost hold of my OWN ship...

There are No CLASSROOMS Here...It is all just a lifelong journey...that plunges us into the depths that sometime suffocate us...breath by breath.

And now...do I go back?...realizing that those girls really needed me...And my needs of them...or stay in my suburban dreamland...of alternative kids...but still kids...not screaming young women who had related to me and I to them.
CONS
1. The money sucked
2. I was assaulted several times
3. Every day was a mind boggling challenge
4. There were only 5 teachers on staff
PROS
1. They truly LOVED me
2. I truly LOVED them
3. I turned them on to some really great books
4. We laughed and cried together
5. I was a role model
6. I made a difference
7. THEY made a difference

Hmmmm...Opportunities
There were no Classrooms there...just Human Relationship Rooms

I need a HUG