Blue-Fine Young Cannibals

the sleeping beauty
Originally uploaded by scheiro.

Welcome to a World
Where Pain is Confirmed
And the Hurt
Is Contained
In a Word

"CRAP"

Slept like Crap
Feel like Crap
Treated like Crap

...My depression is mind boggling

I often wonder if it is be CAUSED by outside influences
or if MY inability to cope with these "influences" is the CAUSE of the depression.

When mean words are spoken to OTHERS...how do THEY shake them off?
...Or are the happy people walking around this world...NEVER spoken to in that unkind way?

It is a vicious cycle...because now my "BLUE"ness
will cause me to talk myself out of doing all of the FUN things that I wanted to do today...
Pull some weeds
Go to lunch/or Starbucks with the laptop
Get some rocks at the lake
Take some pictures...

...But see...
All I will end up doing is laying around, listening to music, in the sun. I will waste MY ENTIRE SUMMER doing that...pretending to everyone on the OUTSIDE, that that is exactly what I love to do...I do not even know if I DO LOVE it...or if my depression is a voice inside my head that TELLS ME that I ENJOY doing it. I will never venture out of the house...I will resort to lusting over realtionships in soap operas...damn...
...That is my depression...a little fucking voice...
...or is it other's mean and critical voices...???
What is this THING???

Ya know what... H knows it
And I believe he does it on purpose
To keep me IN.
Inside
Inverted
Introspective
In his freaking life.........

"You broke... my life
There's no surprise
I say a prayer to make you care
You wouldn't listen

You stayed too long
It's time your gone...
Get away from here

I've had too much
But not enough
It's time you left

Good God Almighty
There's no denying
Life would be beter if I never ever had to live with you...
Blue

It's a color so true"
-Fine Young Cannibals