Couldn't Care More-Fine Young Cannibals

Gerbera's
Originally uploaded by Willyjeen.

I live my life by being kind to others and hoping they will do the same. Often it is not what I expect. I go out of my way to smile at people that I do not know. I do kind things out of the blue...with no expectation for it to be returned. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that these kind acts make ME happy...not what others may do for me, or what I may expect in return. Sometimes good things happen to me out of the blue...but not as often as I would like. (There are good days of surprises that roam in from friends!)

Today I really just laid around. I went food shopping and then watched a football game on TV. I had a few glasses of wine and took a bath. I now lay up on my bed watching TV again. Fall seasons and the return of work bring on a different schedule than summer. Although I am happy that the heat is not as intense, the darkness falls earlier than I would like and causes me to become sleepy.

I have not seen or talked to some of my favorite friends in a while. I have not been to a concert in what seems like ages, and I have not slept in as late as I care to in the last three weeks. My black cat has been in my home for two months now. She comes out from under the bed a bit more than before, but what I long for is to hold her and to snuggle up to something that returns the favor. She will have nothing to do with that. I lure her with treats and toys, but it is to no avail...she glares at me with her emerald green eyes and causes me to yearn for something more. I am afraid that I just may return her to the shelter she came from, as the last person had. She has NEVER come downstairs on her own, and when I carry her down, she just bolts, and runs back up the in fear. The dog watches her in disbelief, wondering why she does not accept my affection and learn to live with a cuddle and a hug. I wonder as well.

Finally, I have a deep scar in my soul. Nothing is wrong, but nothing seems right....and it leaves me empty inside.

I am sorry if the weeks seem long and our conversations do not. I will try to spend more time on this machine, but work is overwhelming. This week, the teacher I work closely with and I will get two more students, bringing our caseload up to 23. There is not enough time in the day or space the classroom to keep them all apart from themselves and their raging hormones. I do so enjoy working with this other teacher, but we are both losing our minds!!!

All of this and Nothing...it seems as if time passes me by, and then I realize that....I couldn't care more.

"I'm alright
Minding my own business"
-Fine Young Cannibals