Into The White-Pixies

Near
Originally uploaded by roamin.

I am slipping down this icy road...
tonight, Here
in my space where a thermometer dares me that it is about 80 degrees, and as my Temperature rises with anger and pain....I desperatly need a snowbank....for my vehicle to SLAM into.

A thunderstorm hits, both Inside and Out of this house that may look like a home to Others, but is in psychological need of a mediator. I, am not the one.

Arguements displace in Surround Sound as 17 puts on his armor for another round of.....hmmmm...17.

I am at a lack of words to describe the events of the evening that have brought me here....a fresh pac of cigs, another Miller Lite, and a pit sinking so deep into my stomach that I dare not check the scale...

What starts out as a discussion of shaving his head for an upcoming state Cross Country meet turns into a whirlwind of teenage angst and hormonal displacement. I shiver, in the 80 degree nightfall, trembling at cruel words and accusations of betrayal that he spits upon me. My own professional position with such emotionally charged teens is nothing compared to my postion with him....sevenTEEN.

14 closes the door to his room.

After an hour or so of verbal and emotional abuse,
I give up...
Give up on justifying my reasoning and ultimate parental control
Give up on attempts at clarifying his vision
Give up on keeping H and 17 from killing eachother
Give up on myself
Give up on my life
Give up on almost everything that makes me me
Give up

Drive down an Icy road

Drive into a snowbank
Drive into the WHITE

Driving myself Out of My MIND