ONLY ONE TITLE FILLS MY HEAD NOW

don't eat the yellow snow
Originally uploaded by ratterrell.

I don't want to go here today
I Really Don't

Even if i do
I refuse to buy anything out of my way for 18
or H...for that matter

If 18 swears at me or belittles me anymore
I think I will be the ONE jumping off a cliff in the
SNOW

And if H talks nice to him about snowboarding and movies and computers and such....right after he just hears 18 swear at and belittle me....
Well....
I just don't know what I will do then:((

Last night on the way to the party ...I told H how much it hurts me that he continues to be HAPPY with 18, all the while he witnesses his disgusting behavior towards me...
I asked him how he would feel if the situation were reversed...If I had a daughter that screamed at him and swore at him, and threw his things all around the house in a rage....and if all the while I just kept planning shopping sprees and lunches and fun mother/daughter stuff...and seconds after the daughter busted him down to tears and feelings of suicide...I just asked her if she liked my shoes or just went on being happy with her. I asked him this on the way to the party last night.

He said...hmmmm...Let me recall Exactly how he put it....."I would handle it on my own, just like you should." Or something to that tune.

And then my song came on the radio.
And then I gazed out the window.
And then I cried inside...cuz I couldn't smudge my face with mascara

But now...this morning...if I have to go, I just wanna go to the grocery store and buy yogurt and coffee and tuna and bread and milk and Ramen noodles...cuz if I LIVED ALONE..away from them...that is all I would need to buy...and grocery shopping wouldn't be such a drag.