Total Eclipse of the Heart-Bonnie Tyler

Red Sun
Originally uploaded by dulcelife.

He dines on 7 course meals
She searches the fridge for an appetite

He approaches the podium as Keynote Speaker
She finds patience with a child and double-digit addition

He carries a briefcase through a heated parking garage
She slings a backpack across her shoulder past a school bus

He blocks off areas on the family calendar for himself
She surprises them with thoughtful itineraries

He stocks the wine cellar
She drifts away
….
She catches herself involuntarily wincing when she hears his voice in the hallway, or when he cups her elbow to steal her from a crowd, or when he tells an anecdote she is required to appreciate. Sometimes she feels a rising panic she had previously known only in dreams, in which she was suffocating in a small space, or trying to run from a terrible danger, but her legs were unaccountably disabled.

She wonders and sometimes secretly wishes that the turmoiled teen that dwells in the house were gone…far away, and that their life would be somewhat different. Would there be so much to disagree about? Would there be so much hurt in her eyes from the pain of promises unkept?

Her wondering stops. She enters the house and the pain rises up inside her again…no need to wonder anymore. For the signs of an uncaring heart, or a heart that only cares for the teen is apparent in each glance from room to room. On the way home from shopping just the other day, he grabbed for her hand in one gentle motion. It surprised her, but still, it felt warm, as if he had felt sorrow for all of the things he had said, or had not said. But each time and time again…they enter the house as different people with different needs. His is a need to have his sons love him and to do anything to gain that from them, and hers just to be left alone.

"Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart"