Just Another Dream-Cathy Dennis

roucouler une romance
Originally uploaded by anideg.

I am flying
I am estatic
I am high
...and it has nothing to do with
Anything in my house
Or my family
Or my crappy...well whatever....

Last day with kids...
Chaperoned 8th GRADE dance in the afternoon
Out with co-workes after work

Too many things outside of my homelife
TO make me happy
...Must forget about shameful existence
and learn
TO DREAM!!!!!

SUMMER AWAITS

...and I smiled at sooo many people
Insdie their cars
Today!

When I am around others my special purpose is to make cause for them to smile…
Has always been.
I guess I get this trait from childhood. My special purpose assigned to me at birth was to make my "nervous breakdown" mother smile.
Baby C-CARETAKER OF DEPRESSED HOUSEWIFE.

When I flowered into a teen and ventured out of the house on my own I smiled-a lot-soooo happy to be out! I was a cheerleader-for "the team" and friends alike.
But still…inside my mind of memories…sad visions lingered. I kept 2 things close to my heart…a diary…and many friends. I disclosed my inner-most thoughts in text…verbalizing out loud only of happiness, bliss and content-
I tired to compose myself in a viewfinder...negatives of my depressed suicidal mother.
25 years go by...
I have written many things since then…in journals, in notes, on rocks…
but always in fear of having them found...
an opening to me, my dark and turmoiled mind.
(Remember-my diary was discovered and then I burned it at the creek.)
But with the BLOG...I let go.

These are the MEMOS TO SELF
My MENTAL NOTES…
Things I would never say outloud. Never, to no one…or is that any one?
So please my dear friends, you would not recognize me in public
My smile shines through in all I do (well, not the other day actually- that was a Twister!)
But do not fret-
I am happy
I just have demented thoughts…is all.

"She was elusive
She was today
She was tomorrow
She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower
The flitting shadow of an elf owl
We did not know what to make of her
In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard
Like a butterfly
But the pin merely went through and away she flew"
-Spinelli
excerpt from Star Girl



"Is this for real or is it just another dream
Is this for real or is it just another dream"