Blind-Lifehouse

Royal Blind Asylum
Originally uploaded by duncan.

So It SEEMS Here...


"I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor


After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know

A part of me dies when I let you go"
-Lifehouse

Surrender-Cheap Trick

ATC44
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

K Here-
I have surrendered to All love that is within my desperate reach. I am Blog-tied.

On one hand, I must not be approachable, in a touching gape of an eternal abyss, I need touch and can not locate it anywhere. Like my "3 Meaningful Conversations per Day" rule, I found myself extending 5 meaningful brushes of touch, only to receive nothing in return. I understand why, down deep inside, but still am at a loss.

On the other hand, (you have different fingers) but really, what I thought was turning into a meaningful conversation over dinner and a possible compromise crossing into bridge builder of a marriage, turned into a full blown argument of despondance. Once again my voice is not heard and Once again, my evening takes me to my laptop.

Lyrics can not interpret my voice at this point. A day that seemed to be on an upslide, turned dismall. With all the things I'm losing, I might as well resign myself to try to make a change. The only thing is here, is that I am running low on options.

Hmmmm...not needed, wanted, cared for.
Might as well Surrender to performing Cheap Tricks!

I'm gonna try someting new here..stop searching. Stop looking out of my car window for opportunities. Limit the quest for a person to touch my body and soul. Look into the inside versus the outside. Who needs a guy's touch?

See this old pic? That's how I feel, grasping myself in deep inner thought. Don't ya think someone wants to hold her? Or does she seem too needy?

No more book talk with the library Dude. No more hallway banter with staff that can't see me for me. No more chatting with my produce guy or gas station attendant. No more resurfacing old dreams, old boyfriends, old fantasies.

SURRENDER
to self
Crap...there are loads of females out there in this life like this right? I just never thought it would be ME. Never was before. But now it sinks in...and she sinks inside.

Take Comfort-Bread

111
Originally uploaded by pablokorona.

Creature of Comfort, I unwrap from a morning chill, take a look around my comfortable house, flick on the fire and grab a blanket and oversized chenille pillow.

The sky carries clouds today. I look back at last night and my evening with friends, trying to decipher what teenagers are really all about. We never came to a conclusion.

Tonight will come all too quickly, as I anticipate no plans but to relax on the couch with a good movie. That is really what I yearned for early today as well. Curled up in front of a television set. Mindless stories causing too little to think deeply about.

I step into the garage a bit earlier, with cigarette in hand. I glance around at H and his tinkering, wondering really what is it that I do not see. Should I keep trying here? How many more times is it worth? What about the old and elderly that celebrate 3o years of togetherness and beyond? What keeps them going or is it fear? Life is good at times, but there will always be more bumps in this road. Do people become complacent, or is there just an unknown world out there that they are afraid of?

Do I analyze things too much? Yes, a bit.
Need to take COMFORT
or is that Southern Comfort!?

"Take comfort where you find it
whatever gets you through
Take comfort don't be blind to it
You must do what's a right for you

Every one at times must run for cover
Don't you know you really can't be blamed
For in this you're just like any other
There's no need, no need to feel ashamed

Take comfort where you see it
Whatever makes it right
Take comfort when you need it
To help you through the night

By the way we live in our confusion
And the way that we misspend our youth
By the time we're stripped of our illusions
We may find illusions are the truth"
-Bread

Roll Away the Stone-Mott the Hoople

st-1
Originally uploaded by christopfer.

What a wonderful day
out and about
happy...I think?

I collect stones...
wherever I go
then I place them around the yard, in the garden, by the fence, near a bench in the back by a tree.

The special ones find a place inside my house.

I have collected so many that I had to start writing the place that they came from on the bottom...
in Sharpie.
When I need to get back to that special place I grab it tight and hold on.
It's sorta cool, for me at least.


Stones are better than shells
or matchbooks,
or ashtrays

Today I should have grabbed one
wasn't even thinking...
A memory in stone is a good memory
unless it's my gravestone I guess!

"Won't you roll away the stone
Why be cold and so alone
Won't you roll away the stone don't you let it lie"
-MTH

Us and Them-Pink Floyd

Lunar Eclipse
Originally uploaded by sandrino.

Late NIGHT tonight...

Leno and wine, but earlier spent 5 hours with my very best friend discussing teenage angst...

Hers is very depressed and a teenage outcast...
Mine is soooo out on the edge and living in the moment
Opposites in a world of MOMS who are neighbors

and we both wish that we had the other one's world
Guess we are looking at different sides of the moon here
and I am on the...

Dark Side of the MOON
"Up and down
But in the end it's only round and round
Haven't you heard it's a battle of words "
-Pink Floyd

Spin-Lifehouse

Carnival 1
Originally uploaded by simpolman.

Spinning Cycle...
At least I am spinning upward again..
Don't know why...
Ain't gonna ask no questions.

I have realized not to question too deeply
Guess these two new CD's I purchased for the upcoming concert are pretty good.
The buddy I am planning to go with has a few new job interviews in the next couple weeks
so we can chat about that and have some fun...

Summer Carnivals are just around the corner!
Spin ME!

"...and the world keeps spinning round
my world's upside down and I wouldn't change a thing...
No you and I wouldn't change a thing"
-Lifehouse

Take Me Away-Lifehouse

ATC Lust
Originally uploaded by Snapatorium.

Take Me Away to Memories and Dreams

I remember a summer from my teens, probably 16 or 17 or so. A bunch of us girls just lived to cruise around looking for guys. We hung at the pool, at the mall, anywhere that we could meet someone new. We tanned during the day and took hours to get ready for the night. Oh, to be young. That summer was a blast.

I remember a trip to Chicago with some girlfriends about 10 years ago. We pretty much did the same thing. We shopped, we dined, we coctailed, we clubbed. We talked to the waiters and bartenders. We had code names and key words to make our trip surreal. We took hours to get ready on those nights before going out. Our hotel suite had TWO bathrooms! We stayed out until 3 in the morning. We laughed so hard that we thought that we would never return home on the train to our families. That trip was a blast.

I remember many things, many times from my past that revolved around the opposite sex. I keep some of these memories inside my head.
I also write some of them down.

I enjoy the memory of dreams as well. I wake up and sneak down my thoughts from the night. I have one special dream...it plays over as if it is calling me.
-------------------------------------------
I am following a car, inside my own car, driving from out of the city, down a dirt road surrounded by cascading trees in full bloom. "HE" gets out, ( I really do not have an exact picture of what he looks like, but he has a soft smile and extending hands) after pulling into a farmhouse drive. Some scruffy dog greets him happily as he saunters up to my unopened door. With radio playing, as usual, (I would give anything to recall the song that mixes with this dream's background) my palm sweats small raindrops and clings to the slippery silver door handle.
I hesitate.
His eyes glimmer as he speaks.
"Are you up for this?"
Long Silence....
I Open the Door.
...I Awake

LUST

I guess at his point I am just a bored housewife in the suburbs looking for something to do.

TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!

Had a great day today...got over the slump, for now.
And am Riding the buzz here...Shame on me

"Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away"
-Lifehouse

Slow Hands-Interpol

Atrapada II
Originally uploaded by vivianapastor.

When all else fails...
I've always got Interpol
Maybe a career change towards International Espionage needs to be looked at a bit more seriously!!!!! Ha!.
(Especially when she tears up from some unkind words of a student!) I don't think so :(

"Yeah but nobody searches
Nobody cares somehow
When the loving that you've wasted
Comes raining from a hapless cloud
And I might stop and look upon your face
Disappear in the sweet, sweet gaze
See the living that surrounds me
Dissipate in a floral blaze"
-Interpol

I know someone who is thinking...
Get a Grip Grrrlllll
-She smiles
-She tries harder to smile on Thursday

Hanging By a Moment-Lifehouse

Pies Descalzos
Originally uploaded by vivianapastor.

Ha! Didn't last long in my sea of bliss.
Worked at the track meet last night which took my mind off of things for a bit.
But not quite enough to turn things around.
Today was an array of bumbling mistakes.
Slowly spinning
in a downward cycle...

Sequences of events caused me to actually mask a teardrop as I turned away from my class towards my computer today

Things are piling up
here

Noticed that when you tell someone that you are having a crappy day...they REALLY don't want to hear about it...REALLY

Some favorite Prozak "MOMENTS" here...

As dusk takes over the sky, I realize the rain has stopped long ago. What I keep wiping from my eyes are tears.

I shall shuffle away as nonchalantly as someone in deep despair can possibly shuffle

By the way, I have just snatched tickets to this concert...gonna take a girlfriend!

"Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
...
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete...

...There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind...
There is nothing else
-Lifehouse

Going Away To College-Blink 182

school
Originally uploaded by why not.

After a weekend from hell...and many others like it..
I brush myself off again and take a look a the bright side...YES...there is such a thing!

I drive to work singing a song...a student drives past my side and laughs

I talk to my friendly library DUDE

I check my emails

I slave in front of the copy machine

Grab a soda from the teacher's lounge
(to help with my terrible hangover)
((didn't help))

Take on my two classes at the high school

Congratulate a student on reaching it to the age of 18.....

Head over to the middle school

Enjoy my classes and my yummy leftover Indian food that I made over the weekend, but was just too upset to eat...(surprised they saved me any)

administer a microbiology test
type up a few reports
correct some papers
listen to a favorite CD during Prep

and take on the drive home

"17's" ACT scores lie in the mailbox and I try every secret agent maneuver to spy them without opening the envelope.

Pick him up from track practice and...wait...

He opens it up...carefully...
only to find he is 1 point shy of what he needed to get into his first choice school.

Luckily he is signed up to take the test over next month...whew...

What A Day

And after all of the turmoil that I have been through in the last few days...
I STILL FEEL HIS PAIN

I STILL LOVE HIM
sheeesh!!!!!!!



"But I'd go through hell for you and
I haven't been this scared in a long time"
-Blink 182

Come TO My WIndow-Melissa Etheridge

pears!
Originally uploaded by kablooey.

Okay...
I often wish that grocery shopping could be done at a drive thru-at my own car window, playing my own set on the old iPod.

The music in this place freaks me out...every damn week I spend time here.

The soundtrack seems to know exactly what mood I am in...and taunts me.

After a crappy weekend...(still having it)...I am entertained by the title song of my Blog, Rain King by Counting Crows and most ironic, Midnight Confessions-Grassroots

Now I don't know what kind of Big Brother thing is going on here...but I need out.
-She cries in the aisles over her waste of a life...not entire life...just family life I do believe.
And I sure would like to get away from the music that brings up such weird thoughts...a drive thru window would be nice!

"I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take

Just to reach you
Just to reach you
Just to reach you"
-M.E.
"

Let Go-Frou Frou

Take
Originally uploaded by bodhi47.

Hold
Originally uploaded by bodhi47.

So I finally got around to watching Garden State today...hung out online last night till way too late...waiting up for someone that never showed...
I need to LET GO

"Drink up baby down
Hmm, are you in or are you out
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you

Excuse me too busy
Writing your tragedy
These mishaps you bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So let go
So let go
Jump in
Oh well what you waiting for
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And it rises with the fall
So hand me that remote
Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later now
You can't await your own arrival
You've twenty seconds to comply



So let go
Yeah let it go
Just get in
Oh it's so amazing here
It's alright
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown"
-Frou Frou

Something For Nothing-Rush

Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life
Originally uploaded by OpenEye.

So I am re-reading the book...
"The Gospel According to Larry"
(twice in less than 48 hours)
and have recommended it for an early morning book talk to the school library DUDE
(great guy)
It is absolutly amazing
and well worth the time to read
and enjoy...delicious word for word.

I find that many of the versings apply to my own life, changing words for my own benefit to apply even more, but ohhhhh...soooo...gooood!

For tonight...after a drive for an hour to nowhere...just to get out of the dismal house I live in...I can relate to the following...
I'll take all the physical contact I can get (which isn't much of anything!)
I wear an emotional straightjacket-only unlocking it's laces to Blog

If I couldn't or didn't enjoy reading as much as I do...I would be useless
And the odd thing is that it is those new novels in the high school library that get me going...
I guess I do get "Something for Nothing" Ha!!!

"Waiting for the winds of change
To sweep the clouds away
Waiting for the rainbow's end
To cast its gold your way
Countless ways
You pass the days"
-Rush

Bizarre Love Triangle-New Order

I see you!
Originally uploaded by mmoster.

So after some rough words of conversation with "17" I find myself curled up on the kitchen floor...ashtray...cigs...wine (red) and the radio.

Creature of Comfort in barefeet, jeans and multi layers of t-shirts...top layer being my old ratty "God Save the Queen" number that I havn't been able to discard from my punk rock days...(I do believe in "17's" eyes I am truly the QUEEN of BEEAATCHHH!)

I decide to stay here on the floor until the sun settles into the western group of trees, turning my kitchen oasis into darkness and doom.

Yet, for some unpredictable reason, a tune on the Sony Under-the-Counter sound system belts out a song that I can not sit still for....and turn up to shake the center light fixture.

And yes, my dear, it is so BIZARRE!
I stand and swirl into a dizzy haze...
only to curl up again...
to wait for more turmoil.

I think I will rent Garden State tonight and pretend that someone is singing this to me who gives one ioda of a crap!

"Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
Well every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be"
-New Order

I Wish I Was a Girl-Counting Crows

轉蛋
Originally uploaded by elusiveboy.

I wish I was a girl...not a woman on the edge

I would make some different decisions...
Where would I start??????

Hang on to friendships tightly

Don't ever pick up that first cigarette

Join groups, lots off them

Live on my own before getting married

Hmmm...don't feel the need to get married just cuz your parents move far away and leave you

Even though you are an only child...try not to feel like it...spread your wings

Take risks...do not fear failure

Realize that things can be changed

Do not have children...they are impossible at all ages...well maybe just one of them is

Stay optimistic...I am usually...on the outside...(these last few days my Blog has been a bit over the edge...but if you saw me on the street...you'd never know it. Just today a fellow coworker said to me..."You are always so happy, and your bright colored shirts reflect your great personality..." Wow...they don't know that i am always wearing black undergarmens!!!)

Yeah...If I was still a girl...I'd look at the future differently.

Sometimes i make my biggest wish...and wish for just ONE Week from the past...not a constant week, but certain days..

1. My 8th birthday...outside...my parents happy...not fighting in front of my friends...and that bird not shitting on my new party dress. It was still a great day...I'd do that one again.

2. My first dance with JW in 8th grade...he had no idea how much it meant to me...I have the picture my friend took of it. I had planned it for weeks. He had no clue that I made up a kiss...all inside of my head...and almost believed that it happened for years. I thought there would be a possibility...so I practiced on my hand!

3. A party down at the lakefront on a weekend in high school. All of us friends...about 50 with a few 1/4 barrels. Barefoot...day into night...and the sunburn that came the next day. The guy that put his arm around me...shocked me...then made me happy...we dated for about 3 months after that!

4. My prom...and that night at the Pfister Hotel. I miss him so much more than he misses me. I think.

5. A night on my Senior class trip...with friends old and new

6. One night in an art class in college...the model...the dark chalk...inspirational.

7. One night that I spent on the run from my unhappy home...in a car with a friend...until dawn.

That is my wish list now...sometimes I insert and delete a few here and there. The list only entails my life up to 19 or 20 years of age.

I have an even better one as an adult.

Ha...things I would repeat...things I would change...
LIFE is Grand...
LIFE Sucks

I WISH I had the answers

"For all the things you're losing
You might as well resign yourself to try and make a change
And I'm going down to Hollywood
They're gonna make a movie from the things
That they find crawling round my brain

I wish I was a girl
So that you could believe me
And I could shake this static every time I try to sleep"
-Counting Crows

If You Don't Don't-Jimmy Eat World

mysteriouscatastrophe
Originally uploaded by blueneurosis.

I Don't Care anymore
I Don't want anyone to care about me
I Don't have a care in the world....

My life is sooo messed up
I tought I had relationships
that have somehow drifted off in the wind
"What's Wrong Baby"
hasn't been said to me in a long while...
and I can't even say it to myself

Let me get this straight...
...I guess I can't
and all of the weird funky love
that I tried to see
in others,
nature,
work,
my home,
my friends,
....is gone

I am distraught
with noone to care about it...

I am reading this great book, however
"THe Gospil According to Larrry"
I guess I will dive into that...
and a few students of mine
that are worth my time...
And my music
and written word

i am having difficulty transcribing my evening
Here...
It SUCKED

And I don't
want any more
Mysterious Catastrophes

at least tonight..............

"So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter.
And I'm sorry that I'm such a mess,
I drank all my money could get and,
Took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.

If you don't don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean the please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight?
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now yeah need this, (need this)
If you don't well, honey, then you don't
And if you don't well, honey, then you don't
If you don't know, honey, honey, then you don't."
-Jimmy Eat World

Could also do "GET IT Faster" -Jimmy Eat World

I don't care what you do.
I'm getting out , no nothing ever shames me.
Don't wanna thing from you
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

Don't wanna thing from you.
I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.
I should've thought things through.
Yeah I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.
I wanna do right by you.

But I will save that one for a new day!!!!

Round Here-Counting Crows

Ahhh...
Family Portrait Gone Awry

Just about how I am feeling right now...and often

"Then she looks up at the building
And says she's thinking of jumping
She says she's tired of life
She must be tired of something

Round here she's always on my mind
Round here, hey man, we've got lots of time

Round here we're never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late.

She says It's only in my head
She says Shhh I know it's only in my head"
-Counting Crows

Middle-Jimmy Eat World

elli
Originally uploaded by HyperBob.

My very own teenagers
Drive me crazy...

And all I keep thinking is
that it is gonna cost me at least $60,000
to get the oldest out of my house
and off to college...
If he makes it!!!!

I am soooo caught in the Middle
And my patience is wearing thin

When he was younger
I could just put him in his room
...now
I just want to
go to MINE!


"It just takes some time
Little girl your in the middle
Of the ride
Everything(everything) will be just fine
Everything(everything) will be alright (alright)

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own,
So don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if its good enough,
For someone else."
-Jimmy Eat World

Our House-Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young

Lost
Originally uploaded by stateofmind_77.

I am not Lost
I may wander up and down my street
But I peek into my own windows
at night...

I take my glass of Shiraz
out with a cigarette...
and gaze into the illuminated rooms

wondering...

What goes on in there?
Who lives there?
What is their story???

I have lived here for 17 years

and the light always changes

While I am out here
I spy the cute wine guy across the street
through his window
and his wife and three young kids

and realize that I was there
once
...and people run by
...and I want to run by

my HOUSE

"Such a cozy room
The windows are illuminated"
_CSNY

Just Another High-Roxy Music

ATC 33
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

He said it...
Well he almost said it...
What he said wasn't it...
But he meant it
...I think!

And all I can feel is
HIGH

"Maybe your heart is aching
I wouldn't know, now would I?
Maybe your spirit's breaking up
I shouldn't care, now should I?
Maybe you're thinking of me
Well I don´t know, now do I?
If you only knew how I feel
Wish I could die, now don´t I?

I´m just another crazy guy
Playing at love was another high
Just another high"
-Roxy Music

Wrong Train-Psychedelic Furs

Image037.jpg
Originally uploaded by lgieneart.

Wonderful
Beautiful
Blast from the Past
His voice is like a raspy smoking angel!!!

Standing 4 rows from the stage, I closed my eyes and felt 19 again...

Heard all of my favorites...
and even a few I had forgotten
It's hard to get over your past.

He bounced and moved his arms and hands in magical motion

Newer song that I had to search for hours finding the lyrics for is Wrong Train

The last lines are my favoirte...
no kisses for me

"I took a wrong turn
Ate all the wrong pills
I took a cell phone
To call my voice mail
I took the wrong train
Got off the wrong town
They beat their kids up
Somewhere suburban

And I'm never coming home again
We can't agree on anything
And where the hell are all my friends
I need you right now


I ran the wrong light
Got in a car crash
My wife she hates me
So does her boyfriend...(chorus repeats to this last moaning, groaning line)

Just kiss me like you used to
And pretend that you don't have to
pretend"
-Furs

WOW

She Is Mine-Psychedelic Furs

richard butler rocks lee's palace
Originally uploaded by cinesonic.

So tonight is MINE...
Got my outfit all picked out
Put on a smile...
Down a few pre-concert drinks

And Dance
(With an English Accent)


"I hope you get your invitation
It is here for you
Listen to the conversation
Playing pretty tunes

Sorry i can't wait for you
I couldn't stand to stay
You have to get right out of here
You have to get away
I had to pay the doorman
Just to let me use the door
I had to use a muscleman
To pick me off the floor

They're making up things
That we've all heard before
Like romance and engage and divorce
You have to be crazy to stay in this place
You just have to laugh at it all"
-Furs

ALL That Money Wants-Psychedelic Furs

All I want tonight
For my $26.00 ticket

Is a fun night out
With some great music
and friends...

and no hangover
tomorrow!

Into You Like a Train-Psychedelic Furs

Hot Stuff ATC
Originally uploaded by wastedpapiers.

Bummer,
I missed a Blog yesterday.
It was such a beautiful day and I enjoyed the sunshine and a few friends and when I lay down in bed to watch Saturday Night Live I thought about grabbing the laptop, but just...too...tired...
So I apologize...probably just to myself here anyway!!!

Love this picture...

Haven't felt that kind of burning love since...
Hmmmm.
...I am really stretching a thought here
Damn IT
Can't remember! How sad.

"I don't wanna tape you down
Or shack you up with me
Or put you where the flowers go
Or get into your mind
I'm into you like a train
Into you like a train"
-Furs

All of This and Nothing-Psychedelic Furs

Nothing
Originally uploaded by gragsie.

I know that this pic is from a Carnival Cruise...
It is after the 5 course meal and the cutie pie waiter
that has been serving you for 6 nights in a row
suddendly spikes a cruel sense of humor
and brings you "this" for dessert
You open the silver covered platter
and see NOTHING
You laugh and then the real thing appears!
(sometihng creamy and dreamy and fattening!)

You go back to your room to slip into something
much more comfortable
and head over to the cigar bar

Sometimes NOTHING is funny and you can laugh at it all
Sometimes, when NOTHING touches you
in your heart
in your hair
on your neck

You just go to the cigar bar anyway

"A mirror you can look in
So that you know where you are...

You didn't leave me anything
That I can understand
Hey I never meant that stuff
I want to turn you on"
-Furs

Angles Don't Cry-Psychedelic Furs

its all a blur
Originally uploaded by kangabloodyroo<3.

I think that I am losing someone,
and gaining someone else along the way
...and I am not sure which
or what... I want

I can't get the first one to realize that all they need to do is ask
outloud...make a request
and it will all be okay...
they don't open up
and tell me just what they are thinking
They just beat around the laptop
and it seems as if I am losing them

Then there is someone else
who I know is making an attempt
but the small attempt that it is
is too little for me to know that it is an attempt at all... or for sure...

Why can't people just say what they mean
Or am I like that too
Cuz I certainly don't just come out and say...
Is this what you mean? Do you want me to do this or that? Do you wanna sit down here or what?"


Hey...maybe it's me??


"Now I see a face in your eyes
But you don't remember my name
We're always a step out of time
Now ain't that a shame
And you've been alone for too long
And nobody cries

If you want to see all of my tears
Take a look in your eyes
I know that it's true
Believe it or not
But angels don't cry

I could walk away
Or I could walk on by
Or make it all come true
Or say it's all a lie
There's no more tears
When you're out of time
And I might fade away tonight
If you close your eyes"
-FURS

Love My Way-Psychedelic Furs

Cinderella forgot it
Originally uploaded by taliX.

Yeah...

All this life is such a Cindrella Story
without the stepsisters...
just the EVIL and shoes that never quite fit
...................
and when you have to leave the ball early
you just know that things go down hill from there
Just searching for some love my way

Difficult day at work today...
feeling a bit overwhelmed with kids doing back-to-back research projects, and wondering if I will ever get my contract for next year. Hope I don't have to leave that ball early!


"So swallow all your tears my love
And put on your new face
You can never win or lose
If you don't run the race"
-Furs

Here Come Cowboys-Psychedelic Furs

Mural
Originally uploaded by cuatro.

Here I am...
home by 3:30
and all I can think of is why
I wasn't having any fun last night.

I guess I just don't know when I've got it good,
or even just OK
and I start to think that all would be better
if I just had a COWBOY
to ride in from the trail
whisp me up on the saddle
and...well
all else that comes with that picture inside my
strange and dimented head!

"There are colors flashing
People wearing stars and stuff
There are engines crashing
There's a way to turn it off
It gets so hard at times
To take it serious
It really gets to be a drag
When all we really need is love

Here come cowboys
Here to save us all"
-Furs

President Gas-Psychedelic Furs

mysteries of the mind - manic-depressive
Originally uploaded by rehuxley.

Yes,
I do believe I am Manic...
I have these unbelievable highs
and several bubbling letdowns that follow.
It happens on a daily basis, and though I am able to get over the lows without medication...
I do believe I am Manic.

I had been looking forward to this night for several nights before, I trip out for drinks and dinner with an old friend from my former workplace.
I entered the bar for "Happy Hours" and noticed others gathered as well. I realized that the night would end much earlier than anticipated, and with the larger than usual crowd I would not be able to mingle with other strangers at the bar as my friend and I had done the time before.
Now you think another person would have been happy to see a larger group gathered in their own honor, but I experienced a low. I had been excited to get out, now was out, and not happy. I ended up getting home by 6:30.

With the let down, I walked when I came back home, popped open a beer or two, smoked a bit more than I wanted...(couldn't smoke like I fiercely wanted in the larger group), and felt restless.
I had to move, I felt a mess, I was disappointed in the fact that I had set myself up again. And as I sit with my feet up on the couch in a sweatshirt and pair of jeans...I don't believe all this!

Hope the concert does not disappoint.

"You have to have a party
When you're in a state like this
You can really move it all
You have to vote and change
You have to get right out of it
Like out of all this mess
You'll say yeah to anything
If you believe all this "
-Psychedelic Furs

Mr. Jones-Psychedelic Furs

ATC 23
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

Define Romance...

I guess I have no clue.
I love my job
I love my vehicle
I love music
I love to sway (not dance) to music
I love nature
I love my own teenage boys...sometimes
I love my students ( for a 55 min. crack)
I love a funky church festival in the summer
I love comfy shoes
I love classic t-shirts
I love my kitchen (though I can't cook)
I love my bedroom and bed
I love the sun and moonlight
I love pieces of art
I love the way an opening curtain on stage make me shiver
I love myself...at times
I love life
I love to close my eyes
I love to smile
I love cats...though I can't have one
I love my friends...when they are my friends
I love to socialize with strangers
I love Mexican food
I love the way my clothes fit..sometimes
I love the 4th of July
I love a great thunderstorm in the summer
I love a good movie that makes me cry
I love a great book that does the same
I love a good bonfire
I love a good e-mail
I love a warm breeze
I love to lay in the sun
I love the waves crashing at the beach
I love the sand
I love an exotic meal
I love a cheap bottle of wine
I love Miller Lite and a good imported beer
I love discounted flowers
I love an older person with stories to tell
I love to travel
I love the airport
I love to laugh
I love to smile at strangers
I love to sob
I love to write
I love to create
I love to paint
I love walking in my neighborhood
I love to talk on the phone
I love to sit in a corner bar
I love feeling and acting younger than I am
I love to love

(to be continued)

...I need to be loved back

"So good so far
Slow down ha ha
Movie stars and ads
and radio define romance
Don't turn it on
I don't want to dance"
-Psychedelic Furs

Gonna LOVE this concert...
with friends
dinner beforehand

I Love this band...
have my outfit all picked out...
(I think)

With A Little Help From My Friends-Beatles

Laurel & Hardy
Originally uploaded by wastedpapiers.

This weekend I spent time with both family and friends...
Family and my cousin's friends on Friday night at my house for his wake
Tonight with neighbors...killing a case of wine, some leftover brownies, a whole heck of a lot of catfish, and more leftover food from the wake...

and even though the crowds were completley different from eachother...

Harley, Nascar, this type of conversation fun...
to,
British Sports car, Marthon, that type of conversation fun...

I can have fun with just about anyone, anytime, anyplace...

ahhhh, but work begins again tomorrow...
more friends!

"Would you believe in a love at first sight,
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light,
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends"
-Beatles

Pretty In Pink-Psychedelic Furs

in touch two
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

So today begins my weeklong homage to the Psychedelic Furs...they are soon to be here and I plan to attend.

On the song's theme...
I did some returning errands today and ended up endulging in a new pink swimsuit.
Walked with my neighbor friend while the guys cut down some tree stuff...wow what a group!

As we worked up a sweat...so did they.
Then they all took out their cycles and sportcars for a ride and us gals hung in the yard...tanning and drinking Becks.

It hit almost 75 in the yard and we tanned...swimsuit didn't work out too well..wierd tan line thingy was about to happen...will return it this week!!

Just ran into the house to change and send a Blog, gathering in a few hours for bottles of wine and a bar-b-que....Gotta love the neighbors!!!

On the theme of the Furs here...this song was ruined by the Movie title...no one ever pays attention to the true lyrics...they always just think of Molly Ringwald and Ducky.

I can't even pick a favorite verse...they all are way too strong for me...

"Caroline laughs and
It's raining all day
She loves to be one of the girls
She lives in the place
In the side of our lives
Where nothing is
Ever put straight
She turns herself round
And she smiles and she says
'This is it'

'That's the end of the joke'
And loses herself
In her dreaming and sleep
And her lovers walk
Through in their coats

Pretty in pink
Isn't she?
Pretty in pink
Isn't she?

All of her lovers
All talk of her notes
And the flowers
That they never sent
And wasn't she easy
And isn't she
Pretty in pink
The one who insists
He was first in the line
Is the last to
Remember her name
He's walking around
In this dress
That she wore
She is gone
But the joke's the same

chorus

Caroline talks to you
Softly sometimes
She says
'I love you' and
'Too much'
She doesn't have anything
You want to steal
Well
Nothing you can touch
She waves
She buttons your shirt
The traffic
Is waiting outside
She hands you this coat
She gives you her clothes
These cars collide

chorus
-Psychedelic Furs

She's The One-Bruce Springsteen

This is me...

Twisted thoughts have I
on a sunny Sunday
I waiver
between...
Running errands, oh so many errands
and
Playing...
Meeting my buddy in a park on a blanket with a bottle of wine
shoes off on a 65 degree day

Did the errands...
just waiting on a buddy now

So I sit here, windows open
with a house filled with flowers
a breeze
and I sit with my laptop
ugggghhh...


Open me up
See all of my flaws
All of my possibilities...
Challenge me
Love me
Open me up!

gotta love this pic though!!!
(and the song rocks as well!)

"With her killer graces and her secret places
That no boy can fill
With her hands on her hips
Oh and that smile on her lips
Because she knows that it kills me
With her soft french cream
Standing in that doorway like a dream
I wish she'd just leave me alone"
-Springsteen

Just Like Heaven-Cure

Blue sky
Originally uploaded by ksuke.

My cousin passed away
He was 10 years older than I am
and when he was 20...
I had the BIGGEST crush on him

He rode a motorcycle
and was into old cars
and in a band...all in the past

...never married, no kids

We had his wake
at my home last night
almost 100 people came

and the picture boards that filled the house
with flowers at their side

reminded me of
time gone by...

...way too much
time

There were friends of his
and relatives
...many people that I did not know

but I did not mind
a houseful
of smiles
and...
stories

He lived his last 3 years
with a brain tumor
...with dreams of overcoming it...

Now he is My Dream

"You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream..."
-Cure

I'm In Love With My Car-Queen

08-15-03-042
Originally uploaded by pimento.

There are numerous cars,
to fall in love with...

add to that,
all of the curvy, little, winding roads of life
and an afternoon can just fly by.

This is a pic of the Road to Hana,
in Maui
and even though I am deathly afraid of heights,
this was a beautiful day of last week's vacation!

I also had a beautiful day today...
my classes went well,
and I returned papers that were
fairly WELL written...

Capital Punishment was the topic...
a position paper
and the OPINIONS twisted and turned
as many times as this road...

But being in love with my "car"...
I "drove around the classroom"
and enjoyed the scenery...
...students wroking hard...
and having OPINIONS
worth reading!!!!

Life is Good!

The Kids Aren't Alright-Offspring

ATC Four
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

Tell me Wally,
What ever happened to the sweet innocence of childhood...

No,
Not the childhood of this particular day and age...
but the sweet childhood of days gone by...

As I crack open my door and let out my last class,
I take in a deep breath...
8th hour is PREP for me!!!

But soon, from across the hall
a ruckus explodes from a substitute's room

and I fall doomed...to my savior role...

With bucket 'o Laffy Taffy in hand
I travel steps that are difficult to retrace
and help out a colleague who earns "sub" standard pay with no benefits!!

When all is said and done...the room is cleaned...kids are calmed...fight is broken up...and sugar is inserted into the mouths of teens...

get this....

the sub...
leaves...
before the bell!!!

What a friggin' Eddie!!

So with such slim dedication as this...in an educated adult...We don't need to wonder...
Why aren't these kids alright???

Reckless Abandon-Blink 182

Black Rock - Ka'anapali
Originally uploaded by kinsiekins.

K-
It's been 4 days since my most tragic event on vacation and I feel that enough time has passed to be able to share it. I still get a pit in my stomach when I think about it but like those that I met in the airports...those put into the face of danger and dismay...talking about these things can help ease the pain.

After the afternoon's event on the beach a few days before, observing the tragic loss of a man I did not know...I came face to losing the man that I did know...and myself as well. It was the last morning...our flight left for home at 7:30 that same night...so you wanna get some last things in, enjoy the sun, and some favorites as well before you leave Paradise.
We gave the kids money for breakfast and instructed them to go back to the room when full of banana pancakes, coconut rice, and breakfast fries to pack things up for the long flight home. H and I were just grabbing our snorkels to take one last cruise near Black Rock to spot some more schools of Tangs, and hopefully frolic with some green sea turtles. With only our towels and snorkels in hand...and a safety swim belt for H because he is uneasy in the water and not able to swim very well, we jaunted down the beach with little knowledge or preminision of our ultimate doom.

All is going well and with about 15 others or so in the water. We had been to this spot several times before, usually in the afternoon, but had a familiarity with the cove and waters. As usual, I stayed near H, to keep him company and assure him that he was doing well. With rumors that the turtles were out at the tip of the rock (see picture) we got carried away...and were literaly "carried away" by a fierce rip tide that soon found us about 60 feet out far from the rock, with no others in sight.

The current was furious, and without the shelter of the cove, we continued to be taken away from our comfort zone. Fear in our eyes, I instructed H to swim (or as close to it as he possibly could) as hard as possible. Now remember, he has a float belt...I DO NOT... and the water, as clear to the bottom as crystal... about 75 feet deep by now. Battling the strong waters, no time to rest for fear of being carried out further, we could not make any headway. Our arms turning to noodles...I stay with my back to the beach to keep my eye on H. My thoughts of the teens back in the room, the man on the beach, my pounding, smokers heart and the look of pure obnoxious FEAR fills our eyes.

25 feet to go, and loosing breath, H reaches out and cries..."HELP ME"...my God..."HELP ME". I extended my arm to pull him in, not knowing how I would manage...but with adrenilin pumping made it 10 feet closer...then shouted, "Swim as hard as you can."

Back at the Rock...the tip of the Rock...we rest for at least 20 minutes...with waves still crashing at us...hearts pumping...we are safe...yet still need to make it back to shore...but safe.

The story continues...with many other small details...but back on the beach...we talk to eachother as a lady overhears our experience. She tells us that a girl was just rescued out there 30 minutes earlier.

We take our cut legs and arms...from the rock grasping and wave pounding pressure...back to the room. The kids don't believe us, but then notice the wounds...deep gashes on H's leg.
Reckless Abandon...what the hell were we thinking?

All I can think of is me telling the teens that they could not go out there alone...and H getting angry at me days before for not wanting him to go out there by himself as well.

I have now saved my entire family's life...H here at Black Rock in Maui...and the kids years back at St. Petersburg Beach searching for a sand bar.

Who Will Save ME and my Lonely Heart????


"Everybody would waste it all,
to have a summer that they could call,
memory thats full of fun,
f**ked up, when it's all done

On and on, reckless abandon
Somethings wrong, this is gonna shock them
Nothing to hold on to
We'll use this song to lead you on
And break the truth with more bad news
we left a scar, size extra large"
-Blink 182

Are You Lonesome Tonight-Elvis Presley

IMG_0209
Originally uploaded by ePartridge.

I don't need to see you often,
I dream about you
I see you in a variety of places
sneaking up on me
unexpected...
He doesn't even have to look like you
or smell like you
it's all in his reactions...actions...style...sway

I'll tell you where I saw you this week:

A waiter at Bubba Gumps
My hula instructor
The cocktail server at the luau
A guy smoking a cigarette at the pool
Frequent neighbors at the bar
Some dad eating french fries with his young son
An attendant at Snorkel Bobs
The wine steward
and...
Solitude by a torch in a hammock unter a Tiki Hut

At times I felt as if you vactioned with me
I closed my eyes
I felt your touch in the breeze
even though
it was all
a sweet dream

Wondering if others saw it on my face
...in my eyes

I feel this is
...strange...
Do You?

I'll Remember You-Elvis Presley

sunset
Originally uploaded by kiroosha.

Have you ever seen a dead man?
I mean not on TV or at a funeral parlor
but someone just floating out in the water
dragged onto the beach
worked on, pumped, drawing a crowd,
for thirty minutes or more?

As tears built up in my eyes
with a pretty pink cocktail in hand
I watched and prayed
and scanned the golden beach
for his family...

Wondering when they would return
from the nearby shops
or emerge out of the water
after snorkeling near the cliffs

or come back from the Spa
after a relaxing massage
or jaunt from the Tiki Bar
with cocktails for him

I spied them down the beach
wife and teenage daughter
towels and beach bag in tow
As a dark skinned Maui policeman
was directed towards them by a neighboring sunbather

Their faces shone ghostly
held back from the beach EMT's
and a circle of concerned guests
she had hopes...
that turned to screams on her knees in the sand
as attempts failed and a blanket was placed over him...all of him
...and grown men weeped

On a silenced beach
with the band music halted
the sun took it's desent

The cliff diver held position at the top of Black Rock
until the body was removed

I put myself in her place
and though love is non-existent here
I managed to experience pain

That night I looked at H
and my two teens
though I am unhappy here
that particular night's sunset holds meaning too difficult to describe
...and I can't get it out of my mind
...and I will always remember that family

"I'll remember you
Long after this endless summer has gone
I'll be lonely oh so lonely
Living only to remember you

I'll remember too
Your voice as soft as the warm summer breeze
Your sweet laughter, mornings after
Ever after, I'll remember you

To your arms someday I'll return to stay
Till then I will remember too
Every bright start we made wishes upon
Love me always, promise always
Oooh, you'll remember too

I'll remember you"
-Elvis

"The Three Of Us In The Dark"-Carly Simon

starfish
Originally uploaded by spiralgirl.

Here is a PROfile
of the THREE MOST INTERESTING
people
I met on My trip
To MAUI

#!

Mark...
An Army cutie on his way back to Iraq from a 15 day leave in Lousianna, not his TRUE hometown, but where he grew up for the most part of his life.

I met him in the Houston Airport on my way home...a 4 hour layover...and about 5 cigs outside...
He asked me for a light and we talked for almost an hour...
His main goal was to get drunk and laid while on leave...I would have done BOTH with him!!!!!!

His tales were horrific...and he candidly stated that we will be there for more than ten more years...
do not trust the PRESS

I fell in LOVE with his BRAVERY
his Combat shoes...
and the fact that he told the check-in agent to lose his baggage,
to give him some extra time
ANYWHERE
here in the STATES....

I would have taken him into the parking garage...
(never mind)

When we parted I hugged him and wished him safety...fell in LOVE

#2

Shaquita and Marquis...
Honeymooners from New York City
she is a Firefighter and experienced the 911
tragedy first hand...
She worked for almost 36 hours straight and then again for three months digging out bodies

.....I listened to her for 2 hours
and was AMAZED
with what noone saw on TV
...like MARK above said
"Do not trust the PRESS"

Marquis had some stories of his own...
He was called upon stage for a local luau
and became famous in three days...
evidently did the "HAMMER"
and got the crowd going!!!

We laughed and shared stories of the past as well as the trip...

I found it odd how complete strangers can share things together much more than good friends...
but we became good freinds and will be online.

#3
Odd to find a Number 3..soooo many to choose,
but a guy named Rudy Aquino
with a golden voice
he sang with Don Ho
in the Hey Day
and he played every night at the hotel....
a Wonderfu mix
of a one hour traditional Hawaiin show,
with the second hour of
Buddy Holly, Elvis,,,Gosh
lot's of stuff that a few too many Blue Hawaian's
can remember...
but I heard him on my lania when too tired to sit down in the Tiki bar
and met him in the courtyard after shows
...loved his SMILE
his zest for a unique show each and every night of the 7 day week
and laughed with him and at him and around him!!!

(There were about 23 other great people that I encountered...the Daytona Beach guests, a family from Chicago, a group from Phili, and Denver, and a guy from Ireland that had been living in Maui for 3 months...the hippie chick in Paia the cheered when the sun came out, and this windsurfer at "JAWS" that got 2nd in the competition upon injury...(maybe will share later in a Blog when I have not had so much wine!!!)_

GOSH I LOVE PEOPLE!!!!

"The three of us in the dark
Where do I resist
One has to go
One is just a guest
One is all a fire
One is all a spark
But here I am with the two of you
The three of us in the dark"
-Carly Simon

A Place In The Sun-LIT

mmmrocket gal
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

Hey, Hey,

So, SURF LESSONS...


Of what I did not participtate in...
but was the ROCK photographer,
in Lahaina,
on the rocks...
little to know that for a mere $60
I can purchace "truly Unbeliebable" pics
from a zoom water lens guy
from an extra "surfer dude" in a great Board Suit

that gets Upclose and Personal
of "The Boys"

...burns them on a Cd
and they are toooo coooolllll!!!

Met a lady fron San Fran
talked to her and another from British Coumbia
while the "teens" took their lessons....
and we drank Mai Tais

....Then we shopped...
and DROPPED!

Local Motion Surf Shop was the best
Bubba Gumps Seafood
and off to Snorkel BOB"S

for BOOgie boards of the weekly rental
and snorkels...

off to Black Rock
and some more of the weekly "FUN"

Ahhhhh

good tan for the first day
and
A Place In The Sun...
MAUI

What's Your Best Thing?-English Beat

Aloha
Originally uploaded by Mister Snitch.

Aloha here,
Just returned from Spring Break and have
many "Best Things" to Blog about...

Decided to leave the laptop at home and truly relax
but...
jotted down ideas, feelings, experiences
on note paper,
old receipts,
menus,
guide books,
...you get the picture!

By the pool,
at the beach,
on a rock viewing the sunset
on the lanai late at night...

Have many experiences to share...
but for now I must stay brief
and leave it at that for now...
desperatly need a hot bath to recoup from an overnight travel experience...couldn't sleep at all on the plane.

Had my share of Three Meaningful Conversations with strangers per day...will share my three favorite people in a Blog soon to come

Ate great food and sucked down superior drinks!

And I must say....

"It was the best of times,
It was the worst of times"

"What's your best thing?
What's your next step?
Watch that feeling,
It could be your best friend"
-English Beat


Blog later