Get In OR Get Out-Hot Hot Heat

Hot Hot Heat
Originally uploaded by Le Lilly.

Okay...here
If 14 does not make up his mind about this concert
I am gonna ground him for the
entire
Hot Hot Summer!

I will not know until he gets his BIG project done
so
it is down to the
WIRE

Get in or get OUT!

Courage-Alien Ant Farm

qi
Originally uploaded by anideg.

I must muster up
enough COURAGE
to go to work tomorrow
and not cry

" I never said you were a mistake at all
You got it all wrong, you're misunderstanding...
...
You should try not to be so courageous
These dismal moods have become contagious"
-Alien Ant Farm

Beautiful Day-U2

balancer entre deux visions
Originally uploaded by anideg.

Because of a friend
I have had a beautiful day
and all you need is one
...friend that is...

For 7 hours or so
I am
SWINGING

From some words of concern...
wisdom...
a song....
a smile...

A long time ago
on a MEmorial day
...I think I was about 19 or 20
Some friends and I went down to the lakefront
with the dogs and some picnic supplies

The sun was shining as brightly as today
and the lake was full of interesting people...
so interesting as a matter of fact
that we did not notice the true rays of glorious sun
SHINING
...and we stayed until night

Now,
the reason that I remember this so well
is not the day itself
but the day after...

I worked part time for a newspaper back then
and I had to work the next day...

The SUN
had burnt me to a CRISP
and it was painful just to get dressed

I went to work
in "NOTHING"
but a sundress
...nothing else

Today I wore sunscreen
cuz I could get arrested if I went to work like that
tomorrow!

(Mental Note: Find that cute little swimsuit...I save everything!)

Tomorrow night is the Hot Hot Heat concert...I think after all of my excitement...14 is gonna let me down and skip out on me.
What shall I do?
Hmmm...
gonna have some wine right now...
with the neighbors for a little birthday celebration
and check back later!

"On the road
you got no destination...
...You been all over
And it's been all over you"
-U2

If I Had A Million Dollars-Barenaked Ladies

Up at 5:30 today
"H" actually surprised me big time and woke me with the announcement that "we" were going to go out on an adventure...
"What...Am I dreaming?"
(No, cuz actually I had quite an interesting dream about my very first boyfriend and my very best grilfriend "getting it on" behind my back!)

So...up...and coffee and out the door by 6:15 to an enormous flea market with unbelievalbe items of interest!

I was trying to figure out what this whole trip was all about...but decided to ride with it and enjoy the attention of the day.

What I "treasured"...

3 four inch iron daisies...rusted to perfection...to place on my wainscoting ledge in the dining room

Two 6 inch iron stars...again...rusted to perfection to prop in my garden

A National Disaster Sign in yellow shaped like and arrow about 3 1/2 feet long that states...
"SHELTER AREA 3" for the basement rec room

A really cool basket about 3 foot round with a handle... for the porch

An antique chair for the computer table

A Yoda figurine for our neighbor who turned 56 today and wants to see the Starwars movie with "H"

and...my favorite...

A five foot tall white antique Armillary Sphere Sundial...well the sundial is not that tall...it is on an iron stand

I was amazed at the fun I had...
took my mind off of my worries...

Had a hotdog by 8am.

Then went to a quaint little diner by 10:30 for breakfast!!

Once home, however, my teens drove me crazy with some interesting issues, and back at home everything turned back into the same old "Shuffle". But I will not let it get me down.
I HAD A GREAT MORNING!!

...And I didn't even spend a million dollars...I would have had fun with just the $3 DAISIES!

"(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey
(Haven't you always wanted a monkey)"
-Barenaked Ladies

Amy Hit the Atmosphere-Counting Crows

Red Kimono Rainy Day Okinawa
Originally uploaded by bekon.

I bought myself flowers
And beautiful glass windchimes
Hanging out in the yard
...ME AND MY NEW WINDCHIMES

I have SCREAMED it all out
...and am ready
TO LET GO

"If I could make it rain today
And wash away this sunny day down to the gutter
I would just to get a change of pace
Things are getting worse, but I feel a lot better
And that's all that really matters to me

Well, Amy hit the atmosphere
Caught herself a rocket ride out of this gutter
And she's never coming back I fear
Anytime it rains she just feels a lot better
And that's all that really matters to me

There has to be a change I'm sure
Today was just a day fading into another
And that can't be what a life is for
And anything she said well she feels a lot better
And that's all that really matters to me "
-Counting Crows

ALL I REALLY KNOW IS
I DON'T WANNA KNOW

Rollercoaster-BLINK 182

x
Originally uploaded by anideg.

JUST TO THINK
....last week at
THIS TIME

I was having a
GREAT TIME

"Rollercoaster
Favorite Ride
Let me kiss you
One last TIme"
-Blink 182

Simonize-Pete Yorn

él
Originally uploaded by Graphicmotion.

Those circles under my eyes
That make me look like
I've never slept
A second in my life
And these arms of mine
Seem like they are just aching
To hold someone...

Can't you see it?
No...
You are not even glancing
in this direction

And when you finally do ask me what is wrong
and I open my mouth to answer
you walk away
as if...
the phone is ringing
but it's not

and I answer your quesiton
Alone

"Hey,
don’t take your life away,
I think you’d rather stay,
then follow me into the alleyway,

We were passers on the street,
I never thought we’d meet until I said,
"How do you do, my love?",

You’ll fall,
You’ll fall"
-Pete Yorn

WHAT THE HELL...
SNAP OUT OF IT...
STEP AWAY FROM THE LEDGE...
GET A GRIP...

YOU GO GIRL!
GONNA paint
...SORROW

Daydream Believer-The Monkees

blog title
Originally uploaded by christopherkinsey.

I cried in front of a group today
just let it all out...
started as a trickle of a tear
that I just could not hold back
AS HARD AS I TRIED...
Then I just had to get up and leave
struggling to get down the hallway
ESCAPE into a girl's bathroom
where I am sure that many girls have cried before...
Just much younger than I...over a test... or a boyfriend... or something not nearly as significant as my strife...(to me that is)

It happened in a meeting with 5 other peers
where I found out that my position is not guaranteed back
in the fall
...and lost it
the job
and my senses
and all control
all poise
all respect...

So I hid in my empty classroom at the end of the day and drove home
with sunglasses

Once I reached the serenity of my backyard
and really let it loose
my neighbor
two doors down
is playing this very sappy song on his radio...geez

and a memory
of my MOTHER
sititng in her own kitchen
comes to mind

She is crying
with a cigarette
and a glass of wine
over an arguement that she had with my dad
(nightly event)

But this song
THIS VERY SONG THAT MY NEIGHBOR IS IRONICALLY PLAYING
was a theme song
during my high school "trauma" years

She would sing it to ME
I would sing it to HER
We would hold eachother in pain
...and now
I have no one to share this with:(

I could call her and let her IN...
but she does not remember me
so I don't

CHEER UP?...I DON"T THINK SO
OKAY...I don't need the job...
I just like it.

It's gonna be another one of those nights
listening to music
on the floor
of my kitchen

Cheer Up Sleepy Jean
yeah right
Homecoming queen
yeah right...
All just pieces of my past

And I wanna call an old boyfriend for some freaky reason...sheeesh!

What of my future?
Looks like that NO SMILE rule
is getting a run for it's money.

"You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times starts and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.

Cheer up, sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen."
-The Monkees

Shut Up-Simple Plan

My Favorite Vice
Originally uploaded by vivianapastor.

Yep...
It's just a Simple Plan...
Shut Up
Don't Smile
I am Done

Having a few bad days here
and have decided
Not to Smile

It's really quite interesting
walking through life
...hallways
...grocery stores
...just NOT SMILING

What once you thought
was a natural charisma...
all of the ATTENTION that you get
for smiling...
just dissolves...

And I start to wonder???

If I never smiled again?
Would I ever meet anyone?
WOuld anyone go out of their way to talk to ME?
Like I do for them?


I've got this problem with crying
Once I start
I can't stop...
So I'M NOT GONNA CRY...
I just frown

I have until June 1st to find out if I will get rehired at my position...
that I took
from a phone call that begged me to join the DISTRICT...
That I left a perfectly OK job for
to get into this DISTRICT

And NOW
I am PISSED...

So I Frown...
I never usually do that
I am MISS OPTIMISTIC
ALWAYS...
but not now...
I would like someone to go out of THEIR way
to LIFT me UP

So I sit in the YARD
I wait for ray's of persuassion...
And even though it's a bit overcast
There are these slivers of sunlight
Reaching down through the clouds
Something magical
Might even happen
But the mystic rays
Shine down into the water of "The Pond"
Instead of on me
Probably making some lucky
Tadpole's day

I check emails
at work and at home...
waiting for news of the job...
or from a freind...

and I wonder again???

And begin to contemplate Quantum Physics-If the universe is, in fact, curved when before we thought is was flat
-then could other happenings in my own life be merely not as they seem as well?
Do I cause my own happiness...
and if I STOP...all of a sudden...
being happy
Does it ALL STOP
IS HAPPINESS JUST INSIDE MY OWN HEAD
OR IS IT REAL???
- The Scientific World has been SHAKEN-truly SHAKEN

Hmmm...
I need about 10 cigarettes
and two bottles of wine for this one!

But First I am gonna walk
to the PIXIES
and not SMILE
or TALK to anyone...
just gonna see
what happens

"There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big show
It's all about you
You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time to criticize me
It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one
You love to hate
But not today..."
-Simple Plan

Moonage Daydream-David Bowie

David Bowie
Originally uploaded by jlacpo.

This was the VERY FIRST TIME
I ever went to a concert!!!

I am a BOWIE Fanatic
and to see him
(4 times now)
as a girl in 8th grade
was something to be proud of
STILL

I remember the exact spot my seat was located
The songs
The moves
EVERYTHING...

which is little I can say for a majority of other concerts that i have been to!

This particular Flickr poster
has a bunch of super pics
from the 70's and 80's

It takes me back
to some
REALLY FUN TIMES!!

"Don't fake it baby...
lay the real thing on me!"
-BOWIE

Take You On A Cruise-Interpol

speedway
Originally uploaded by thomasfj.

My walks take on a whole
New Life
from what they had turned to be
in the winter

What used to be an excursion
of peeking into homes
decorated with Christmas lights
and family gatherings
...dodging slippery spots
and cold icy breezes

Turns into a CRUISE
around the neighborhood
that finds me gazing
into driveways
where toddlers play
and Hot Wheels lie on curbsides
...sniffing lilacs
and warm spring air
-
where wives sit on porches with husbands
where lawns are mowed
and others grow weeds...

And I walk to try
to
Disappear
from daily stress

Thoughts of the day
Circle around
inside my head
And as I try to find answers to
unknow questions
I know somehow
It will all be alright...

Cruising Thoughts
on a
HIGHWAY

that sometimes can not
maintain
the speed limit
inside my head

"Your pretense is not what restricts me,
It's the circles inside.
The anatomy of kisses and a teacher who tries,
Who knows how we'll disappear
....Lady don't you try to find me.
Lady don't you try to fight.
Lady don't you try to find me.
Baby it will be all right."
-Interpol

Spies-Coldplay

Pupae ATC
Originally uploaded by wastedpapiers.

And this evening I believe I
should be playing the MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
theme song...
for several reasons...

One: There are people from other neighborhoods stealing
Cream City Bricks
from a neighbors home
that is "dead"
and I am
SCREAMING at them
from a driveway of my friends'
"SHE IS DEAD...
DO YOU HAVE NO MERCY?"

Two;
Gosh Darn it...
Tom Cruise is totally in
LOVE
and I
am
NOT
(Mission Impossible star and all)

Three:
This is the GOOD one...

my great friend and I ...
"T"
caught her daughter in a BIG
lie
and caught her at her boyfriend's
house
when she shouldn't have been...

she was supposed to be at the library
where
we drove to
at 8 pm
and then found her car...not there but,
hidden
two blocks away from
HIS house
and then...
WE
stole it!!!!!!!!!!

I can not wait until
11 o'clock tonight
when "T" IM's me...or calls
to tell me what her daughter says...
"HEY mom,. my car is gone"
"Where are you my darling?"
"Ummmm"

Do you NOT hear the MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
THEME SONG
playing here???
Da Da Da NA...
ANd yes...

we were wearing all
BLACK
!!!!!

"And the spies came out of the water
But you're feeling so bad 'cos you know
And the spies hide out in every corner
But you can't touch them no
'Cos they're all spies"
-Coldplay

Private Eyes-Hall and Oates

Bat stuff
Originally uploaded by Mister Snitch.

How can I work
When my blood is pumping so loud
That I can't hear my own thoughts

How can I teach
When all the lessons
Are swirling around in my books

How can I concentrate on the Microorganisms in a Sponge?
When all I wanna do is check my email?

What am I thinking?
What am I doing?
Why am I driving
myself
crazy?

I'd rather see his eyes...but will settle for a font!
"I see you, you see me
Watch you blowin' the lines when you're making a scene
Oh girl, you've got to know
What my head overlooks
The senses will show to my heart
When it's watching for lies
You can't escape my
Private eyes"
-Hall and Oates

Run Run Run-The Who

hop aboard the cary grant debonair train
Originally uploaded by DerrickT.

It looks as if it's gonna rain...
Love...rain on ME

But all "the Guys"
got back from the Marathon in one piece
Nipples bleeding and All

They join us gals at "the Pond"
bragging about their mileage
and war wounds...

and we just laugh...
..."Let them run...
as far away as possible"

And we eat and drink...
too windy for a fire...
But we all glow...

Run Run Run...
Is it really THAT bad????
I mean really...
When it all is said and done...we are all having a good time here...
When it all is said and done that is!

"Well you ain't the luckiest girl I know
And you won't get luckier the way you're going
Your horseshoe's rusty and your mirror's cracked
You walk under ladders then you walk right back"
-The Who

Smile Like You Mean It-The Killers

Madge
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

Okay...recap of Friday night...

Met at the fest...
with about 18 others in total...
plus "14" and his friends later in the evening...
(he dazzles me...is so much like me...likes and knows how to have fun in a crowd!)

Several of us OLD married couples,
Several More singles,
Several new friends,
and on...

The band is great
old 80's retro,
and new Blink 182, Bare Naked Ladies, etc...
My absolutly...very close friend "I"...
and I
enjoyed ourselves the most.,..
joined at the hip...
dancing inobtrusivley at first
then full throttle craziness

H and his friends talking, drinking, laughing

bumped into several others...

The absolutly gorgeous guy that built my garage last year...worth a squeeze, some lighthearted conversation over a beer. and some smiles...did I say squeeze?

A favorite boy toy of mine from high school...we see eachother every few months or so...a true delight in mixed company as well as one on one...

Some former teacher friends of mine...who I believe I spent a little too little time with...but will see them again soon at a bar gig we set up in the future...

An old boyfriend of mine...the one from Australia...well from here...but moved to Australia...then back here...owns a very posh restaraunt...stuck up wife...blah, blah, blah...

When I get out...I just can't help myself...
Is there a profession where you just have to SMILE...
like a stewardess...
or a clown...
or a perfume sprayer in Nieman Marcus?

But still I can't get that one "look" outa my head...
and I SMILE when I think of the night...
and what awaits when I check my email tomorrow.

(Will wait for a few others as well, if you know who you are!)

Gosh it's not like I am some sex starved manaic or anyting...I just like a little attention.

Gosh knows I am not getting it at home!

They don't even ask about my day
Once they did
"Random Act of Kindness" I will call it
and I answered
"We played strip poker 3rd hour and I lost"
They just said, "That's nice."
And kept chewing
...Without ears

So it's official, "I" and I are taking the "14's" to Hot Hot Heat...and I swear...we are gonna SMILE!

"And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant...
Oh no, oh no, no,no"
-The Killers

Crash-Dave Mathews

IMG_1506
Originally uploaded by biber1999.

I woke from a weird dream this morning...
Can't quite explain it, but do remember a strange crowd of on-lookers-
They are gathered around me in the same manner people gather around a gruesome car accident, gaping unabashedly, staring in a daze at what they could become.

And I must have done someting terribly wrong.

My alarm rings and
And I 'm lying there
Breathless
With a tidal wave of confusion
Crashing over me

But here in the real world..the sun shines
I realize that there is no reason to "create" my own accidents
They happen just fine on their own

H is running a Marathon
14 is out with friends
17 uses my car

Hmmm...All dressed up with nothing to do!

"Crash into me"
-Dave Mathews

Superman-Five For Fighting

(Super) Man Hunt
Originally uploaded by lapinfille.

Sometimes I just know things
I can feel them coming
Like last night when I went to the festival
Something perfect was gonna happen
I just knew it
That was the night I met HIM

It wasn't the first time that I had met him
I have known him for some time
But that night it was like meeting him
all over again
and again

In between the crowded tent
and ooogles of my friends
All who had come out for a night
of pure silly fun
I spun around from smile to smile
...and all along, from song to song...
Our bodies seemed to be carrying on a conversation
Of their own
Leaning together
Brushes of chance
Sharing skin secrets

Hours pass
that seemed like split seconds
(don't ya just hate it when the night goes by so fast?)
Laughter, dancing, trips to the Metro

And when the evening ended and we said our goodbyes
I walked away
As I looked back over my shoulder
I saw him looking over his shoulder at me
When our eyes connected
This miracle smile lit up his face
And I practically had
A religious experience

I am paying for my overindulgence today

But...
As I heard once in a movie...
"The juice was worth the squeeze"

Superman
Superfun
Superfreinds
Super

If I can muster up enough energy
and a good shower
I will return again
Tonight

But right now I am watching the Deerhunter...with Christopher Walken


"I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird...I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me"
-Five For Fighting

Girls Just Wanna have Fun-Cyndi Lauper

mushaboom boom
Originally uploaded by anideg.

Just Can't Wait
Holding Breath
My tail is practically wagging

A night with old friends
and hopefully some new

I love a good festival
I enjoy watching the crowd
like a Sociologist

I am riding the BuZZZ here
Shame on ME!

But I am on roll lately
for Good Times Out With Friends
and I can't wait to see
what the headline will read tomorrow...

Tonight it reads
TEACHER WITH A PLAN!

"That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun "
_Cyndi Luaper

Strange Condition-Pete Yorn

ATC50
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

So today was STRANGE
and to relive the last part...first...

I soaked in the tub
Trying to thaw myself out
Watching the steam curl into
Question Marks
about my life

...after my girlfriend called to apologize for blasting me on the phone earlier this morning

...after I called all my friends to get together for tomorrow night's concert in the park

...after I puposely stay away from the Internet

...after I consume a bottle of white...yes white...I am trying something different

...after I went over to my tutoring gig
for the last night of BIG Projects
tonight DAD was on a business trip
MOM was back home from Seattle
( I am propped up on the couch in my new "Sleepless in Seattle" night shirt gift!)

...after I attended a track meet in the rain
cold
with sandals on my feet
only to have my perfectly ironed hair
curl up like Gilda Radner (bless her soul)
(cursed hair...damn it!)

....after I performed as a judge at the
CHEF FOODS competition after school
(YUMMY)

....after I had an absolutly wonderful day at work
kids were fantastic and this is where I was able to turn my cheeks up for a few smiles
(whew)

...after I mailed the bills

....after I called my girlfriend to get an earful of
"Be Careful on the Internet"
"Stop being Stupid"
"Don't use my software in e-mail again!"

I AM AMAZED at how DEFLATED I feel
Like a day old HELIUM BALLOON

No Road Map can get me back on the path...or can it???

You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
-E.L. Doctrow...Ha!!!

Somebody send me a smile;)
Bueller...Bueller?

"And it's a strange condition,
A day in prison,
It's got me out of my head
And I don't know what I came for,
I want you to know..."
-Pete Yorn

Dead Flowers-Rolling Stones

Originally uploaded by liláz.

I am gonna walk again tonight....it just feels right!
As I walked through the yard on my way home from tutoring this afternoon...I smelled lilacs blooming
...I Love the smell of lilacs
but can not bring them in
"14" has allergies:(

But I will sniff them out on my walk!

This pic reminds me of the terrible breakup between me and my very first SERIOUS boyfriend...
He's the one that dumped me my first year in college...he was still just a senior in high school...
He broke my heart
and as my world changed from cute hippie girl
to Funky Punk Rocker
I sent him a dead rose petal
just one...
in an envelope
with a safety pin skewed through it's veins

And that was all...
He called me days later
I went over to his house
We spent one last "Time" together
in his room

He took my picture
and I left

He sent it to me later
with a dozen roses...

No note.

More on him later

"Take me down little Susie, take me down
I know you think you're the queen of the underground
And you can send me dead flowers every morning
Send me dead flowers by the mail
Send me dead flowers to my wedding
And I won't forget to put roses on your grave"
-Stones

Please Take Me Home-Blink 182

Dorothy Hello Brick Road
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

I just HAD to walk tonight...
It has seemed like forever since I have done that

So I traveled..tennis shoes and all.
"14's" iPod in ear

Over the river and through the woods

Bumped into many friends doing the same thing
a "gazillion" dogs walking their owners
and several of my high school students
on BMX bikes

So I followed the ROAD
HOME

It felt good to get out and move around...
It was a good time...
But not the BEST TIME I EVER HAD
Friday night will be better...
Festival with a fav local band of mine...

Got home to several messages from a friend of mine,
with a troubled teen, so I helped her out on the phone

And Now I BLog!!!

If I were Dorothy...what would I prefer...
No heart...No brain...No courage???
They are ALL Necessary...Hmmmm...
What is the least necessary attribute when looking for friends/partners?

I'll have to ask the Wizard about that one!!

"Oh no, it happened again
She's cool, she's hot, she's my friend
I'd try for hours, if so
You leave me nowhere to go

She's unstoppable
Unpredictable
I'm so jaded, calculated.
Wrong

Please take me home
Too late, it's gone
I bet you're sad
This is the best time we ever had"
-Blink 182

Goodnight Goodnight-Hot Hot Heat

Hot Hot Heat
Originally uploaded by Le Lilly.

I HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS BAND-

Taking "14" and some friends!!!

Happy Me ;)

"I've given up on social niceties,
I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys.
Along with all your records I can't stand;
you never even listened to any one of them.
You're never gonna drag me out again,
with all the people that were never ever even your friends.

So here it is, your final lullaby:

So goodnight, goodnight.
You're embarassing me,
you're embarassing you.
So goodnight, goodnight.
Walk away from the door,
walk away from my life. "
-Hot Hot HEat

Don't even know what appeals to me here...
But I know it is gonna be BIG
just look at and play the video...Goodnight Goodnight
they are too fun

http://www.hothotheat.com/
and this
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2460106
Watch Bandages Video
sorry...copy and paste!

Chain Me Free-The Matches

Please let me out of here!...
Originally uploaded by jlacpo.

Can't get off this damn machine...
Am totally involved with staring at a screen

Should do the BIlls
But can't

Not financially
Just Distracted...I guess

And I spin music on my
Rennovator's Hardware turntable
that I bought myself
for Christmas...

Tonight...
Old Devo...
Cuz that is my mood

But I just saw this video by the Matches
on FUSE after school
between my cigarette
and tutoring gig...

Gosh THAT teen was crabby
reminded me of my own "17"
But this is his last week before finals
and his mom is gone on a business trip
(suit girl!)
and he HATES his own dad.

So he has me to vent to...
and my slats were open!!!

I CAN NOT WAIT
until summer vacation
and tanning in the yard
with a good book!!!!

CHAIN ME FREE!!!
(or as they used to say "CALGON...take me away")

"Chain me free
or let it all fall
We can be all, we can be all, I said
What's in your head?
Lose the key
or please don't call
We can be all, we can be all, I said
She kissed me dead."
-the Matches

What is with these lyrics...they are WAY too eerie!

Holding Out For A Hero-Frou Frou

more than meets the eye
Originally uploaded by lapinfille.

I am not sure what I dream
or why I even dream it...

But sometimes I spend way too much time in dreams
Only to take me away from the challenges of my reality.

Today...my reality made me smile...
The "computer hook up" from the Lifehouse concert worked out...
Sound, Thoughtful, Conversation...without the cocktails involved!
Not to say that all of my other very worthwhile friends on this machine are not a flashing beacon of light in my life
Which is about as interesting as a bag of rice
(...my life that is)
They truly ARE
But this one was worth an extra smile...cuz we had actual eye contact for over 3 hours
and still managed to fold open the laptop later!
Sometimes...ya just gotta reach out for a brass ring...even though it may need a little shining.

"Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there's someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood"
-Frou Frou

Singing In My Sleep-Semisonic

ATC 18
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

With the little sleep I enjoyed last night
I pretty much just layed around on the couch today.
"14" had his girlfriend and others over today, so I had to keep myself visible...and them too!!!

"17" was pretty sleepy himself, after Prom and all, so "THE KING" of Drama (not Prom Court) took it easy on this lazy, hazy day.

Shrek 2 was on HBO so I flicked on the fire and was content to bundle up in a blanket, happy to finally see a movie that I hadn't seen yet.
I enjoyed it...
...especially the Soundtrack.
Happy to see many of my favorite artists contributing...Pete Yorn, Nick Cave, and Frou Frou...( a new fav of mine from the "Garden State" soundtrack!)

Movies are a great place to hear new music...it puts a picture with a tune, and lyrics!!!

What would I do without MUSIC...
Thank you ELVIS...for bringing music into my house as a child...my mom cried to every one of your albums....probaly where I get my emotional instability from:(

So after the movie...I turned on a CD I haven't listened to in a while...and fell in and out of sleep...

Tonight I am going to bed early and making up for my busy weekend...I love my silence almost as much as I enjoy my music!

"Got your tape and it changed my mind
Heard your voice in between the lines
Come around from another time
Where nobody ever goes

All alone on the overpass
Wired and phoned to a heart of glass
Now I'm falling in love too fast
With you OR THE SONGS YOU CHOSE

And all the stars
Play for me
...

I can hear you sing it to me in my sleep
I can hear you sing it to me in my sleep

In the City the lion sleeps
PRAY TO SONY... my soul to keep
Were you ever so bright and sweet
Did you ever look so nice?"
-Semisonic

I Will Survive-Gloria Gaynor

I did it!!!
I survived my first Prom as an adult!
Along with several other friends of mine...we got through the night without incident...
no teens in car accidents
no teens with alcohol or drug issues
no pending pregnancies
....All home safe!!!

They stayed at my friends house from 3 a.m. until late this morning...
About 16 of them
Then a few of us "loving " moms
gathered in the kitchen around 7 a.m.
and cooked breakfast!!!
...for all of them!!!

Great Group

next step...
College...
Will I survive???

"It took all the strength I had not to fall apart"
-Gloria Gaynor

Pablo Picasso-David Bowie

squares
Originally uploaded by killbyte.

I paint...and that is what I did for a while this afternoon. I pulled my last creation from the fall off of the living room wall, carried it down to the studio in the basement and covered over it with a coat of cream. Then stood back, cranked on some very old Genesis and tackled a new piece of work. ( I often go for a Kandinsky type feeling)

Still fresh off the "concert high" from last night, with little sleep and a bit of alcohol still in my bloodstream, I smiled to myself at the conversations I had that evening. One in particular
...was well worth repeating
...over and over again
...thinking...
repeating...
inside my head.
It was conversation with one of the bartenders...(not the tattoo clad one...although he was entertaining as well) where all of those in our newly formed group were involved were speaking our minds, about many different topics, over several hours...yet he spoke his mind...
THOUGHTFULLY.
My brain bounced between anticipation and fantasy as our friendly group continued the discussion, yet ours became more intimate and personal in nature. (Not like SEXUAL or anything, just INTERESTING, EDUCATED CONVERSATION) By the end of the evening we had exchanged "computer connections" ...
wondering deep down inside if either of us would be in contact as promised.
On the way out we said goodbye...he still had a shift to complete but stepped around to the outsdie of the bar
...and then he didn't even give me that usual you're-my-new-best-friend-so-it's-so-harmless-to-be-close-to you- hug
...he gave me a really nice warm body hug...and I knew at that moment that sometime soon...I MUST get another.

So my painting today turned out much different than those in the past. It is Young, Colorful, and holds Promise.

Not a Picasso or Kandinsky however.
I LOVE NEW FRIENDS

"Well some people try to pick up girls
They get called assholes
This never happened to Pablo Picasso

The girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado
When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado"
-David Bowie

Tonight is Junior Prom, so all of us ADULTS are doing a house party.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!!

Days Go By- Lifehouse

Lifehouse concert
Originally uploaded by aebaker2697.

Ha!
I did not set myself up for disappointment!
Firstly, the day was neverending...Awoke with a very bad headache and muddled through the Day . It Went By slowly, but at 3:30 I scurried out of work's parking lot, driving home to the Lifehouse mix that prepared me for the evening's concert to come.

My friend showed up a bit earlier than I expected, giving us about 3 hours before "Blast off", so we ate, drank and prepared to be merry!

As soon as we parked the car our evening's fun seemed "waiting". A vagrant asked me for a cigarette on the way into the show...and as I gave him one with a smile I asked him his name. It was Lester, and I told him that if I ran out of cigarettes that night, I would be back to look for him, cuz there is nothing like needing a cigarette, not having one, and knowing that you just gave it away!
I was blessed for my good deed, cuz I had the Time of My Life!

I mean the concert was good and all, nothing comparable to Interpol or the Psychedelic Furs, as with past concerts. But, the human entertainment was absolutly The BEST. I exceeded my meaningful three conversations per day limit by far. We guessed people's names, were entertained by a tattoo show on the bartender' body, pointed out which girls were gonna puke their guts out by the end of the night, and just had a great time. I Love to talk to new people and that is exactly what we did. My cheeks hurt from smiling soooo much.

And now I am up at 5:30 in the morning...sleepless....


The Days Go By...but this last one was pretty good!

"So don't sit back and watch the days go by
Are you ever gonna live before you die"
-Lifehouse

Am I Ever Gonna FInd Out-Lifehouse

The Refusal
Originally uploaded by lapinfille.

Headline:
TEACHER HALLUCINATES ABOUT COOL FRIENDS
This is totally gonna be my moment in the SUN

I will not say NO...NO not ME

The concert is anticipated to be THE event.
I have bought the food...the wine...the tickets...
...and...

I can't describe what a great concert does to me. I'm moving, then I am still, but all the while I am thinking, "That's me. That's me up there. That's my life they are singing about."
So...
what ever the past days have brought me...
tears...
fears...
chears
I am gonna have some FUN!
and forget my worries...
on this night...

Don't look for me on Friday...prepping for the GIG
check back on Saturday....

(Mental Note: Do not build things up...Buttercup)

"In between this am I gonna find a way
to defeat this living inside yesterday
I'm alive I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it?"
-Lifehouse

Boys Don't Cry-The Cure

Girl
Originally uploaded by lapinfille.

I was reading this book one Saturday
this last winter
at my favorite Barnes and Noble location
that described the differences between
Boys
&
Girls...

I notice the differences in my classes at the
high school
...basically as it pertains to my life
Girls enjoy the attention of teachers
...mine run up to me in the hallway,
slide into my classroom
smile, hug, Communicate Freely...
Boys perceive attention from teachers as "uncool"
...mine slide past me in the hallway,
sneak into my classroom
frown, grunt, Barely utter a Hello

but just the other day...
a long haired "boy"
who just nods in my direction as he passes
sauntered up to me in class
and in front of Others
SPOKE...
and when his lips moved
he said...
"You are my favorite teacher"

Headline read:
TEACHER'S BACK IN THE GAME

Now he didn't break down and cry or anything...
But later that night...I felt like I should!

"Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry"
-Cure

Out Of Breath-Lifehouse

Paid with Pain today...
for my night out last night

Woke up around 3:45 a.m. and contemplated about getting up for aspirin...but thought that if i did...I would never get back to sleep....so I awoke again, with a SPLITTING headache.

Had a bit of fun however...playing "Out of Breath". It's where you go around the group naming famous people you would "do it" with on Home Plate in front of a full house at the baseball stadium. First you "run the bases"...ending up with a Home Run...and the crowd cheers you on! (All just a mind game of course!)

So here was my list...you can only pick three, but if someone else agrees with your pick and has them on their own list, then you have to pick someone else...

Jeff Bridges...not Sea Bisquit Jeff...but Against All Odds Jeff or Fischer King Jeff

Jack Black...cuz I like the way he turns up one eyebrow and makes me laugh...I somehow picture this happening somewhere around 3rd base!

Christopher Walken...I have no idea why...just know that no one else would pick him...and I am getting very tired at the end of the night and need the points!!

Needless to say I did not win the game, but we all had fun playing...and laughing!

Evidently..."Some Like It Hot"..."Some Don't Care"

I often question how I spend my time...could I be more pathetic?
Then I laugh because I know I'm insane!

Headline of the day...
TEACHER MAKES AN EFFORT!


"and I am waiting
I am waiting
I keep waiting for the day that I'm with you"
-Lifehouse

Running UP That Hill-Kate Bush

Not so bad, is it?
Originally uploaded by Stewart.

Worked at the track meet again tonight...easy money and some fun too.
My "Policy" class went better today...
"The Mouth" learned a lesson, as well as the rest of the class. We are on a unit titled Poverty in America right now. Difficult subject...interesting, yet difficult.

And as my job conundrum still lies in the balance for next year...ya gotta wonder???

This HILL pictured here is in Maui...and I wonder if I had known that my contract may expire...would I have spent that kinda money on just one week?

And emotionally...
Sometimes it occurs to me that I am the world's biggest moron and this is the world's biggest practical joke. I am just waiting for someone to deliver the punch line. I am watching my future spin into abyss...and the headline reads...

TEACHER CRACKS UNDER PRESSURE

I open a bottle of Shiraz and dream erotic dreams about the Lifehouse concert coming up in just a few days!!!! Just the idea of brushing up against a warm, live body makes me tremble and hurt in a very good way. Gonna Rock that house like there is NO tomorrow!!!

(Mental Note: I need to control myself. Must. Not. Be. Sex. Starved. Loser)

"You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware I'm tearing you asunder.
Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.

"C'mon, baby, c'mon darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh..."
-Kate Bush

"If I only could
Be running up that hill
With no problems..."

I Don't Like Mondays-The Boomtown Rats

3751280-R1-E011
Originally uploaded by pablokorona.

Dazzling Day if you are an Optimist!

But actually the headline for today could have been -TEACHER DIVES OFF THE FIRE ESCAPE-

Not a very good Public Policy class...
kicked one of my favorite kids out into the hall for not being in control of his own mouth...
Not one of my greatest moments there, but all of my other tricks had failed...and I had run out of patience, humor, and optimism.

It still EATS at me 10 hours later...so much that I am up in bed Blogging at 8 p.m. only after spending time sitting on the couch and EATING comfort food which falls under the category of Sheer Gluttony Designed to Provide Short Term Satisfaction...
(Mental Note: Must drop last 5 pounds gained since previous year's Mexico trip...truly believed to be entirely due to crappy school cafeteria lunch.)

I also blew up at my own "17" after he continued to dodge the summer Job Application Game...
How can I quit smoking when my life goes up in smoke itself???

And tomorrow I will force myself out of the car in the school parking lot like a death row inmate forces himself out of his cell to make that final trip to the electric chair!!

Enough said!

"And the silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload
Oh, and nobody's gonna go to school today
She's going to make them stay at home
And daddy doesn't understand it
He always said she was as good as gold
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown
----------
Tell ME Why I Don't Like Mondays?"
-Boomtown Rats

Girls On Film-Duran Duran

beachsgroup
Originally uploaded by wastedpapiers.

Group Photo KIDS...
On a Mother's Day of 2005
My neighbors and I
Spend the day like every other
in the last
8 years...

After All have done their
"Mother's Day GIG"
(Mine is just a phone call to Florida
where she calls me by someone else's name
and says the EXACT things she said last week)
We all meet back in the communal YARD
and Bar-B-Que

Today we cook Filets
as the Guys play croquet with the KIDS
around "the pond"...
Us gals watch the ducks
catch some rays in swimsuits...i'ts 82 in the sun...
we smoke
gab
and consume Tom Collins

The kids are quite a group
ranging from my own
"17" skateboarding, earring, nice kid, 3.6 GPA
"14" wonderful, caring, upcoming comedian
to the others...
depressed, suicidal, tutored teen...
chunky, tight clothing teen...
icky fighting brat pre-teens...
and alternatative, new wave, high top tennis shoe chick teen...

We then break out the Coronas and Case o' Wine
Change into jeans and sweatshirts
Start up the fire pit

EAT

I sit and watch my friends work the table leaving me stranded, and wondering how my life became so absurd as "Disappointed, Dysfunctional Parent" flashes as a neon sign a crossed my forehead.

I experience an instant desire for Prozac and make up an excuse to dash into the house. I check my email...gather a laugh or two, and head back out, to call it a night.

And this event in my life...is called Mother's Day

The pictures will tell the story...we have it all on FILM...

US GIRLS...ON FILM...SAY CHEESE...(no pun intended Quicksand)
Whoever made up that stupid "Seize the Day" expression was never a Mom-There is no "Seizing" no Control

....I STILL SMILE!!!!! (Can't help it)

"Lipstick cherry all over the lens as she's falling
In miles of sharp blue water coming in where she lies
The diving man's coming up for air cause the crowd all love pulling dolly by the hair, by the hair
And she wonders how she ever got here as she goes under again

Girls on film (two minutes later), girls on film
Girls on film (got your picture), girls on film"
-Duran Duran

Dreams-Cranberries

ATC54
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

This wonderful image is inspired by the following poem...
"Imagine yes, this, this
one day, this ,this
one fine day,
Imagine
yes, one day
one fine day, this, this
dissolves,
Imagine."

Dreams freak me out...becuase they can take so many parts of your life and wrap them all into one motion picture...inside your sleeping head.
Then when you wake...you walk around in this fuzz trying to recall the uneven events, attempting to make some sort of sense of it all.

My dream was just like this pic...ironic, but true, yet he had no face that is recognizable...
...and even though I wrote it all down when I awoke,
I have nothing to hold on to.

He followed me around as I drove errands in an old Robin's Egg Blue Volkswagon Kharman Ghia that I once owned...always a car in between him an I...untill I took a turn that led me to a winding, curving road on the side of a cliff. (Where that road exists near TJ Maxx and the post office is a mystery to me!) I slid off road and into a ditch...he ran to my rescue...and in the end...This pic is just what it looked like...in my Dream.

I think some of it has to do with the SWIMSUIT I was wearing last night in the hot tub...and ONE too many Coronas!!

"Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems"
-Cranberries

Midnight Show-The Killers

the killers
Originally uploaded by damclean.

So last night was The Killers Concert...
That I failed to get tickets to
...bummed.

But with the way my stomach was feeling, maybe i am relieved...wouldn't have been to happy in a large MOSH PIT type crowd.

But I went to a friend's place instead...where a few of us blasted loud Killers music on decent speakers...sitting in a 12 x 12 room room in the yard with swimsuits and the hot tub...and had...well...
A Few Beers along with our own CONCERT!

I also had a strange little show of my own last night upstairs in bed...No No No...don't EVEN think like that...

It was all in the form of a great DREAM...no reality working...just a dream...after MIDNIGHT...and it was well worth jotting down.
(Maybe I will share it later today!)

"I know what you want
I wanna take you to a midnight show tonight
If you can keep a secret
I got a blanket in the back seat on my mind
And a little place that sits beneath the sky
She turned her face to speak
But no-one heard her cry
Drive faster, boy"
-The Killers

Give Me One Good Reason-Blink 182

drug labels
Originally uploaded by ford.

WARNING

Please....

Remind me to EAT before I go out
On the town
Drinking

Next Time

-One Good Reason...
I'll give myself 2
1. Big obnoxious headache
2. Queezy stomach

(I am sure there are more...but I just can't remember!)

Cancer-Filter

C
Originally uploaded by callseven.

K here...
Like this is ME
-C
with a DAISEY
(a Harold and Maude inside joke)

Yesterday my Aunt who just buried her son
(100 people at my house for the Wake)
last month...remember??
told me she had the
BIG C

Today my Mom
who left me to move to sunny Florida
many years ago
Told me she has the
BIG C

and my name
that starts with a
BIG letter C

Is starting to FREAK me OUT


GOSH

BIG C....

coudldn't it stand for
Canker Sore
or...
Callous

or...
Cavitiy
BIG C
CANCER...
SHIT...I'm gonna need a COCKTAIL here



"I cross the oceans
I cross the seas
I cross the mountains
Like a new disease"
-Filter

Time Is On My Side-Rolling Stones

Time
Originally uploaded by ghostbones.

24/7

24 Days of WORK until SUMMER VACATION

7 Classes per Day
...or
7 Hours per Day

Until Bliss...
Don't get me wrong, my work is so wonderful at times that I can not believe that I get paid for it...

But just the thought of
SUMMER....

Waking without an alarm to the tune of finches and cardinals at my window

Slipping on a swimsuit and suntan oil

Shuffling downstairs with time for a FULL pot of coffee and a few cigarettes

The newspaper

A call to a few freinds

Sauterning outside with a great book and a towel

Turning on some tunes

Showering around 2 or 3

Dr. Phil or an iControl movie in air conditioning

Firing up the grill

Cocktails

More cocktails

Fireflies

Campfire

Leno...
or another iControl
or late night HBO

Sleep

REPEAT

...for 10 entire weeks...

Love this profession!!!!
Love the kids...
But I did need to use my "Policeman Voice" with the 11th graders today
I warned them
and a kid whispered...
"I knew she used to be a cop...I just knew it! She's probably saved the uniform!"

And I thought to myself...
Ha...I saved that for special occasions!

Time is on my side....
...if only that was all that MATTERED.


Up in bed Blogging...the scent of teens spirit is seeping out into my hallway...

Took 17 shopping for socks and undershirts tonight...got myself some new silver rings...do ya think a former COP wears a thumb ring???
Might look like brass knuckles...that will really freak them out!


Think I already Blogged to this picture, but I really like it anyway


"Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town
And baby, do everything your heart desires
Remember, I'll always be around
And I know, I know
Like I told you so many times before
You're gonna come back, baby
'Cause I know
You're gonna come back knocking
Yeah, knocking right on my door
Yes, yes!"
-Stones

Dance This Mess Around-B52's

ATC51
Originally uploaded by ART NAHPRO.

DANCE...
Spent a majority of my evening spending oodles of time and money on 17's Prom Tuxedo
Unblieevable Quote of the day..."Do I Have To Go With You?"
Fun guys in the MENS WAREHOUSE...(Mental Note: Why didn't I ever think of the Mens Warehouse Before? Must return!")

THIS...
"This ain't no party...
This ain't no disco
This ain't no foolin around!
-Talking Heads (of course!)

MESS...
Spent a majority of my afternoon with my Middle School kids with my High School kids...planting wildflowers in the District Plot...much fun...but VERY Messy...(Mental Note: Next time dig it six feet deep and push them all in!")
JK...this was actually loads of FUN!

AROUND....
Spinning Around...
Whirlwind of moving around in my own space and time TODAY...
Spent my two Prep periods subbing...one for a High School Phy Ed class...another for the 7th Grade Special Ed class...Kept me busy if that keeps my mind off of Current Events.

Came home to do the tutoring gig for 1 1/2 hours...
Hmmmm...made some decent cash, however!

Didn't have my Little Penguin Shiraz until after 8:30 PM...bathed and Blogged...Quickly!

"Why don't you dance with me
I'm not no Limburger
Just a limburger

h-Hippy Hippy forward Hippy Hippy
Hippy Shake, Hippy Shake

Oh-it's time to do 'em right
Hey now, don't that make you feel a whole lot better?
Huh?
I say, don't that make you feel a whole lot better?"
-B52's

Wipe Out-Beach Boys

A Look Back
Originally uploaded by hodad66.

8th Hour...
Kept a kid back to make up work...
interestingly enough he had a complete Breakdown
Similar to a Rain Man impersonation
I listened to an entertaining 15 minute rerun of a
Dick Van Dyke Sitcom...
"Hey Buddy."
"What Sally?"
( It goes on)

After work I started my new job tonight
of tutoring my best friend's Junior Son in Crisis
Failing 5 of 7 11th grade classes
On the verge of suicidal actions
Complete train wreck...
How can someone score a 31 on ACT and be failing all of these classes?
( Hypothetical question...I do know the answer!)

Wipe Out Baby...
It is sooo all relative!
These kids in my professional life
make the kid in my personal life
look Normally gifted.
(Skateboard, Occasional swear word, and Disgustingly messy room and All)

Grab a board and hold on tight...
these storms are gonna scare me!

Hmmm...tanning booth felt absolutly wonderful!
Might as well get a tan while SURFING!

"Now we're ready to go
Here we go here we go
One one two one two one two hit it D
Here we go"
-Beach Boys

I Need A Hug-R. Kelly

eti's fotoparadijs
Originally uploaded by eti's fotoparadijs.

Only appropriate for this conversation

Forgot that I DID get that much needed HUG
from an odd place that I wasn't looking for...
a goggle full of girls
heading out the door
caught me at
the "Center"

Girls Hugs....damn...and I was searching for a guy!
Guess it comes from ALL places
Guess I miss them as they do me


I'm just bein' real, you know
I'm like the sun, I'm tryin' to shine on everybody
You know what I'm sayin'
But it's like situation after situation, you know
So I write about it to get it off my chest, you hear"
-R. Kelly

Career Opportunities-The Clash

Stop!
Originally uploaded by daveadams.

Conundrum Here....

My OLD job has my OLD position open...
I have an existing contract where I am at that is due to expire this June, yet I know that I will be hired back on...just a paper work flaw. I have only been at this new school for 7 months, and it's not like I left my old position because I did not like it. I LOVED it. But the numbers were dwindling and it looked every year as if the state was not going to fund the type of treatment centers that I service. Judges got tough on teenage criminals and decided not to spend tax payers money on treatment...just jail.

Yes...A TREATMENT CENTER...
I believe that I myself found my own respite there!!!!

The girls ( all Girls) were unbelievably wonderful. Despite all of their messed up downfalls...I LOVed them and they LOVEd me. Who did they run to when tears went flying...me...not their therapist. Who did they go to when they skipped their other classes...me...not their homeroom teacher. Who did they confide in, hug, devulge deep secrets to in times of need...me...not their unit supervisors. (They lived on grounds...coming downstairs for school)

I left because I was afraid that the place was gonna close...and it didn't. (for now) And I moved on to a "Regular" school. Not as if anything is REGULAR here where I am at now. My caseload still has interesting developments. But it is still a "caseload"...it is ALTERNATIVE EDUCATION.

I visited my "old school" today after work. I popped in to drop off a CD for a friend of mine who still teaches there. We are going to the LIFEHOUSE concert together and she needed to memorize the words!!!! They were all in their afterschool "treatment meeting", which ends up talking about who blew up, who ran away, who took drugs, and basically who slit their wrists over the weekend. (Mental Note: SHIT...I miss that.)

I used the Master Key that the receptionist slipped me...walked the CD down the carpeted hallway, entered her room and drew back a tear. Wrote a quick note and left the CD. Then, just out of curiosity, I slithered down the hallway...turned the key into my old room, and took a peek. It did not even look like my old room...which caused more wierd tears. Everything was rearranged. The worst part was...there were oh so many BAD parts...but the worst part was...that my hand painted waves that covered the top of one wall...Screaming..."I am Not Afraid OF Storms...For I Am Learning To Steer my Own Ship" were gone. The BITCH...she took down the entire motivation of the room.

And then I realized that I had lost hold of my OWN ship...

There are No CLASSROOMS Here...It is all just a lifelong journey...that plunges us into the depths that sometime suffocate us...breath by breath.

And now...do I go back?...realizing that those girls really needed me...And my needs of them...or stay in my suburban dreamland...of alternative kids...but still kids...not screaming young women who had related to me and I to them.
CONS
1. The money sucked
2. I was assaulted several times
3. Every day was a mind boggling challenge
4. There were only 5 teachers on staff
PROS
1. They truly LOVED me
2. I truly LOVED them
3. I turned them on to some really great books
4. We laughed and cried together
5. I was a role model
6. I made a difference
7. THEY made a difference

Hmmmm...Opportunities
There were no Classrooms there...just Human Relationship Rooms

I need a HUG

Happy-Lit

If women came with warning lables
Originally uploaded by lapinfille.

Absolutly Wonderful Day...

Covered a first hour class, which forced me to pull out of the drive to get there on time...usually first hour is prep.
My 11th graders freaked when I did a weekend review instead of a current events conversation.

"Hey , you guys are MY current events!"

Hopped over to the middle school..."ARMED" with items for the first of the month "School Store" event that I hold. Sodas went first...then Laffy Taffys...
You can't imagine how many kids are willing to help you unload boxes from your car at lunch hour when they say..."M & M Cookies, Skittles, and Famous Amos" on the side. (Mental Note: Disguise paperwork inside candy boxes when neccesary) The toothbrushes and pencils did not go over well. lol

Ya know all is good when the lunch ladies serve turkey croisants for lunch instead of lasagna roll ups or pizza dippers. YUCKKKK.

Stopped at the gas station for milk and Skittles on the way home...the bar around the corner was awfully appealing....couldn't resist! (just one)

It's the end of my afternoon, and I haven't bashed a man today!!!! Watch out though....still have some twilight to KILL!!!!

"It wouldn't be so bad

If I could take a good thing and make it last"
-Lit

Mirror In the Bathroom-English Beat

Circle of Seashells
Originally uploaded by Miss Tinkerbell.

So today as I cleaned to escape pain I recall back to last week when I was reading "The Gospel According To Larry". This character only owned 75 things...like a belt, a photo book, a watch, etc. And when he considered getting something else, he was very selective, only because he had to discard one of the previous 75.

I'm in my bathroom, cleaning and counting. I'm counting a good 10 shells here. Collected from remote places, here and there, in a display on a white shelf behind my clawfoot tub. So there is ten right there! Just in my bathroom.
I continue to count...
1 humongous bottle of Biolage shampoo
1 bottle of matching conditioner
A flat iron to tame down my naturally curly hair
A hair dryer
An ivory ceramic soap dish in the shape of a clawfoot tub, bought at a hotel in Disney World
The soap that sits in it
My favorite lotion...Donna Karan
My white robe that hangs on the hook of the door
2 bottles of bubble bath
3 Lufas
6 vanilla scented candles
A pumace stone
My makeup set, existing of absolute essentials...
mascara, lip pencil, lip gloss, tweezers, and concealer, for that occasional zit (uhggg)
Deodorant
My extra soft bristled toothbrush
Tube of minty fresh toothpaste
Hair spray
Hair gel
Hair shiner
An aqua washcloth
A pink towel
An aqua bathmat
Four more seashells purposely placed on the ledge of the sink
3 sand dollars on the toilet ledge
The bathroom scale

That's 52 Right THERE...and that is just in my own private
BATHROOM!!!!!

That does not include the mirror.

I better take a closer look inside that giant reflection... at how I live :(

Time to downsize...EVERYTHING

It's All Been Done-Bare Naked Ladies

Brevior saltare cum deformibus viris est vita
Originally uploaded by lapinfille.

It's all been done,
and now I am done with IT

Cleaned the dining room of stuff, loads of papers, mail, coats and jackets, buffet of pencils and pens.
Cleaning my respite of a bedroom of stuff, post it notes of ideas and dreams, books at my bedside, lotions, pictures, CD's...all of which have stumbled into my space.
Cleaning out that SPACE inside my head.

NO more STUFF
"But gosh he is a bit cute don't ya think?"
"No, he is just like the rest of them."
"But it looks like he wants to touch me."
"No, it's all in your head."
"Stick a Fork in ME-I'm done."

"I met you before the fall of Rome
And I begged you to let me take you home
You were wrong, I was right
You said goodbye, I said goodnight"
-BNL